5 days on Mars

That's how it feels after 5 days in Hyderabad, India...! Completely different world that I completely enjoy...
There's no word that can describe it all, there's not one word. It's either everything or nothing! You just have to let yourself go with the flow and let go of all you know. This is such a basic way of living, with all the luxury included, such an efficient way....that it makes you wonder why do we actually complicate our lives so much?
Though this all started in the most unpredictable way and I came all by myself here, that was just the beginning of a wonderful ride! And despite all the warnings about traffic, crowd, heat and food, I must say I've never been better. And that's for one reason only: absolute freedom!! Hard to describe this kind of a freedom, when you have no past, no strings attached, sink into the flow and live on.
From another perspective, this is where the whole world is happening right now! It's like being on the top of the wave and the shores are far off from site! There's nothing that you can think of that you would not get here...

Right now, I'm staying with friends in an apartament that has no lock on the main door, where people keep on pouring in and out,took me two full days to figure out who all is living here, cars and bikes are common property and all is constant change. "Trainspotting" unfolding in front of your eyes! :))
All the noises around and the liveliness is just music for the ears. The legendary traffic is indeed something out of this world, where signs and lane dividers serve only for esthetic purposes. The basic rule of moving around is the eye contact followed by honking...which can mean anything from Get the hell out of my way to Thank you!

Anyways, there's much more to tell.. but for now, this post is going to be signed off with my immense gratitude towards the year that is slowly walking out the door! I truly enjoyed this journey with all the ups and downs and keep on looking forward to the next one!

Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!!

Im memoriam

..for my friend, that passed away yesterday into another realm beyond my reach...
Bye, bye, its been a sweet love. See you on the other side!


I can't remember anything
can't tell if this is true or dream
deep down inside I feel to scream
this terrible silence stops me

now that the war is through with me
I'm waking up, I cannot see
that there's not much left of me
nothing is real but pain now

hold my breath as I wish for death
oh please God, wake me

back in the womb it's much too real
in pumps life that I must feel
but can't look forward to reveal
look to the time when I'll live

fed through the tube that sticks in me
just like a wartime novelty
tied to machines that make me be
cut this life off from me

hold my breath as I wish for death
oh please God, wake me

now the world is gone I'm just one
oh God, help me hold my breath as I wish for death

darkness imprisoning me
all that I see
absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
trapped in myself
body my holding cell

landmine has taken my sight
taken my speech
taken my hearing
taken my arms
taken my legs
taken my soul
left me with life in hell (ONE-Metallica)

The constant change

- Picture taken from the train, on the way home two years ago -

All this thinking about what lies ahead and what the universe has in store for me and where this life is leading...took me to the a conclusion I knew, but somehow overlooked. In the end of it all, there is no right and wrong! Whatever I might think now it might be the right thing to do, could be in the end really bad for someone else. And the other way around works too.. How many times did we curse a certain course of events to realise afterwards it couldn't have any better? ...The universe has its own way of balancing out the equations.
And that's how the dilemma is solved. For the question which is the right decision to take...there just is no right or wrong.
It's all about the same duality you have in everything we know so far, cause and effect, plus and minus, past and future, positive and negative, constant and change.
It is the halfs that always make one!

The dilemma

Very often I've admired the ones who go for exactly what they want in life, regardless of the lack of comfort. The ones who know themselves well enough to see what they're made for and go for that, taking life by the horns or enjoying the ride, no matter how cruel the universe seems to them...But most of these are not foreseen.
I strongly believe that comfort makes you numb and stupid, that most of the times extreme pain causes beauty in spirit, that extreme situations make you evolve.
But if you see and know already that the ocean in front of you is trouble, the waters are dark and have no idea how deep they run, would you still swim into it?
On the other side is another you that you want to reach, if you make it through the journey. You might drown, you might find another strength, you might immerse into another world...but there's a faint possibility to reach that shore, the other you.
What would you do?

To the Universe

Yes, that's some attitude with altitude! Because heights don't make me dizzy anymore and the abyss can't scare me anymore. I am the abyss! You think that's too much? I don't. What would you know? Me daring to have a counter opinion...
Nothing is as it seems, it's always much more simple than that. I'm very greatful for being one!
Still don't know which part is entirely mine and which is the original. But, to make it simple: no separation! One and THE one is in the end just ground zero.
And worry not. If I fly too high, I'll make sure I won't hurt the sky!

I don't believe I was cursed by being born in a human form (though once in a while it's difficult to be in my container, but that's another story). Neither do I believe that humans are the most special ones in the universe.
And I do have a blind faith and love for life, which I can't really explain. It doesn't mean either that it was all honey and milk. Had its own bad flavours. But I guess that's the only true way to appreciate it in the end. No, I don't guess. Now, I know.
There was a loss in our birth, as in we forgot who we were in order to to be able to take this journey, called life. We forgot the reason why or maybe we never knew it. Have we always known each other or there is a power of new creation in the universe? Have we known the rules for this game before or we weren't designed to have emotions? ....The very miracle of our existence ;):)
In the end, I believe in consciousness as well :)

I've changed the rules and hope you won't mind!

Currently listening to: ...silence...

That's exactly it...

Currently listening to Alphawezen - Speed of Light


Touch me, I am losing shape
Look, I am invisible, can you say my name?

Is there a perfect sky that we came from?
We`ll be like stars forever shining on

Catch me, I am almost there
How can I be near, I am high-speed, I am
everywhere

I couldn`t catch your smile
You were blinded by another sight
I couldn`t say good-bye
You were travelling at the speed of light

You and me, we never crossed the boundary
that`s how I know you - I can hear you say
You and me, we never unveil mysteries
Once we were shining - we never tried again

You and me, we never crossed the boundary
that`s how I know you - I can hear you say
You and me, always drowning separately
When I try to reach you - you are miles away

Touch me, I am losing shape
Look, I am invisible, can you say my name

Is there a perfect sky that we came from?
We`ll be like stars forever shining on

Catch me, I am almost there
How can I be near, I am high-speed, I am
everywhere

You couldn`t read my mind
How I wanted you to hold me tight
I couldn`t save that night
It was passing by at the speed of light

You and me, we never crossed the boundary
that`s how I know you - I can hear you say
You and me, we never unveil mysteries
Once we were shining - we never tried again

We are flesh and we are free
We are driftwood in the sea
From the distance we are stars
Like there is a face on Mars

We are lost and we are one
We are neighbours to the sun
Slowly drifting out of sight
Travelling at the speed of light

What a colourful piece of crap...

Benevolent Creator

Random thoughts...

When one hope is lost, it becomes a painful loss...meaning that the memory that contained that hope it's just an empty shell and that's precisely what it hurts: the sheer thought that once you had that hope, a thought that keeps flickering until the loss becomes a lack...Under the blur of time, even the memory fades and the container of the hope, the last trace of its existence, is erased. And one circle is complete, all the way from nothing...to nothing.

Leave the guard down and life will merciless cut through flash ...!
And that’s the difference between loss and lack!

Stars are twisting and the universe takes a turn I don’t think I like...But thank you for all you had! Down time started, give it all!

There’s this record I keep playing in my head. It’s a funny one, there’s no sound that comes out...but there’s something that absorbs the music from your soul. I fear the day there’ll be no sound left.

Come, don’t be afraid, my absurd one. It’s just the empty space between your code and mine. There was an art of happiness, true, but you are beyond that now. Ignorance was bliss! This is now the art of dying!

Mayhem

Nothing is more painful than when a hope dies out... And the vision of the graveyard is just frightening enough to haunt you in the depths of your mind.

Today, I've lost the hope that purity can exist untouched in this world!
I've lost the hope that humans could create something without examples!
I've lost the hope that at least something in this world as we know it could be unlimited!
I've lost the hope that I would stop storing the most painful memories or at least that time will fade those away!
I've lost the hope that I could ever understand why!

Is this freedom? ...And the graveyard is full of beautiful dreams!

You think you know me?

I came from darkness onto the other side...
I only had dreams of pain and desire of the light
"Break free with me, stand up and fight"

So bright and burning from within
The light was defeating my realm.
Dreams and reality became the same
Till ashes would come to back to life
Again and again...

I closed my eyes and darkness brought the peace
But once The Circle is complete
Light and darkness will be gone.
Back to nothing, where we belong.

And back :)

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Back to stay for a while, till the gods decided again to clean up the heavens and throw loads of work to the petty unworthy subhuman corporate junkies.

Love me when I least deserve it, that's when I need it the most.

Part of Discovery Journey

"While we may believe
our world - our reality
to be that is - is but one
manifestation of the essence
Other planes lie beyond the reach
of normal sense and common roads
But they are no less real
than what we see or touch or feel
Denied by the blind church
'cause these are not the words of God
- the same God that burnt the knowing"
Burzum-Lost Wisdom (1991)

The New Dimension of Dreams

The crystal clear, blue sky of that day was full of kites, a marvelous explosion of colors and shapes floating above The Fantastic City. It was again that time of the year, when the citizens of the Fantastic City were given the chance to see the miracle and win a special award... as long as they could find it: among all those kites, there would be one that would fly by itself, no strings and no wings...Everbody in the town, putting on their best and most cherished costumes, would come out on this day and all eyes would survey the sky till dusk.
All of the sudden, a young boy is pushing his way through the crowd and screams from the top of its lungs: "The Chant! The Chant is here!"...
All eyes focus then in the direction pointed by the boy and the crowd lets out a deep gasp...Indeed, there was the Chant, the miraculous kite, with no strings and no wings, flying smoothly among all the other kites..It has the shape of a human head, with dark purple skin, gloomy white hair and an imprinted expression of eternal calm.
But there's one more trick to get the special prize, you'd have to be able to follow The Chant to its palace, of which no one alive knows its location.
From the entire crowd, only one woman is able to follow it all the way...all the way till a huge, very tall and very dense oak. That's where The Chant disappeares, among its branches. She's trying to see how tall the oak is, but the top of it is hidden high above in the clouds, far away from any human.
She looks again and goes around the oak, but just when she was about to give up and go back to The Fantastic City, a swing made of fine leaves and young twings, made it's way down, inviting her for a ride...Reluctantly, she steps on it and the moment she put her other foot on the swing, it rapidly starts to go higher and higher to the top of oak, which is still impossible to see...
...And this is how my dream ended...hope I'll see soon the next episode...

Ergo Sum?

For all of those who were wondering what's in my head, Here it is the answer: two clear MRIs, thanks to my dear GMS friend :)))))

Better leave than be left behind

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
Hot wind burns me
Burning as I fall
Cast away
For I must be travelling on, now,
There's too many places I haven't seen
And if I stayed here with you, now
Things just wouldn't be the same
Now guide us, by thy hand,
Show us ways unknown by mortals
Enlist thy sight, Enlist thy will,
Free us of the undevine
Release the ways, that blind our minds.
Well I'm as free as a bird now,
And a bird you can not change.
And a bird you can not change.
And a bird you can not change.
Lord knows I can't change
The path of Blind Faith. The path of Idolatry.
Hope of life
Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
And though this feeling I can't change.
Please don't take it badly,
The Lord knows I'm to blame.
Raise this being to Life
Become the same as a God
Raise this being to Life
Become one with the Gods
And, if I stayed here with you now
Things just wouldn't be the same.
For I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And the bird you can not change.
And the bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Gliding on mist
Hardly a sound
Bring the kiss
Evils abound
In the dead of night
Love bites
Love bites
In the dead of night
Love bites
Lord help me, I can't change
Fire, walk with me!

Mission impossible X

And that's how another succesfull Sunday passed by...

The story of the star dust bananas

Somewhere, floating between the 4th and the 8,5 dimension, there was a huge three-layered violet jungle. And in this jungle, there was a little monkey, with beautiful big brown eyes that was working in Jungle Traffic Control Tower.
You might wonder how come that a monkey was controlling the traffic...well, nobody actually knew it was a monkey, because it was always wearing a tiger's skin, carefully wrapped around. Controlling the traffic actually meant to roam all around the jungle's space and cry out loud the rules to be followed and the wishes to be granted and that's why it was a tiger job. It took some time for the monkey to learn to roar and growl like a real tiger. Sometimes it was working, other times the other jungle inhabitants were completely puzzled by the squeaking monkey sounds coming from The Traffic Tiger...A forest of question marks would instantly rise above their heads whenever these little sounds would come through, but the solar wind would very soon chase aways the question marks.
There were some other strange facts that everybody would notice, like the fact that the Tiger would thoroughly enjoy eating the star dust bananas....Quite unusual thing for a Tiger to climb the trees and jump from cosmic branch to cosmic branch, throw laser twigs at the passing lions, jump on the head of a giraffe, knocking its head and asking "Anyone home?" or always thinking of playing pranks on the other inhabitants that seemed to have a too peacefull life... All these never passed unobserved, but...it was The Traffic Tiger, designated be the all-mighty Traffic Control Tower, following the general common sense assumption that they know what they're doing...
If they only knew how they opened the door to disturbing times of converting vegetarians!

"We had joy, we had fun,
We had seasons in the sun"

Veni Vidi Vici

Have you ever felt the future is the past, but you dont know how...?
A reflected dream of a captured time, is it really now, is it really happening?

Dont know why I feel this way, have I dreamt this time, this place?
Something vivid comes again into my mind
And I think Ive seen your face, seen this room, been in this place
Something vivid comes again into my mind

All my hopes and expectations, looking for an explanation
Have I found my destination? I just cant take no more

The dream is true, the dream is true
The dream is true, the dream is true

Think Ive heard your voice before, think Ive said these words before
Something makes me feel I just might lose my mind
Am I still inside my dream? is this a new reality
Something makes me feel that I have lost my mind

All my hopes and expectations, looking for an explanation
Coming to the realization that I cant see for sure


I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause Im alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself
I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause Im alive
I only dream in black and white, please save me from myself

The dream is true, the dream is true
The dream is true, the dream is true

I get up put on the light, dreading the oncoming night
Scared to fall asleep and dream the dream again
Nothing that I contemplate, nothing that I can compare
To letting loose the demons deep inside my head

Dread to think what might be stirring, that my dream is reoccurring
Got to keep away from drifting, saving me from myself


I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause Im alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself
I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause Im alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself

Lost in a dream of mirrors, lost in a paradox
Lost and time is spinning, lost a nightmare I retrace
Lost a hell that I revisit, lost another time and place
Lost a parallel existence, lost a nightmare I retrace

The Decaying Gods

Through its tears, the entire landscape changes...The absurd creature is trapped on the bridge of immortal pain and rivers of tears go down its face, dancing around its neck and joining the millions of other tears below its feet. And all of the sudden a very loud noise fills up the non-air around. It's extremly loud and it keeps increasing and increasing...It sounds as if all heavens and hells broke in all the surrounding worlds, clash of skies and falling angels, swirling cries and deafening silence.
But through the mirror of its eyes, the absurd one sees that it is actually a huge crowd of gods who came to bathe in the river of emotions. There are golden gods and silver ones, pink gods, white gods, brown gods, black gods, tasty gods and aromatic ones, wingless or crowned ones, resembling all sorts of creatures, shapes and colors that were ever imagined in the universe.
They are nothing but mortals sanctified as gods by other mortals, invested with supreme belief and blind faith, exiled from the world by infinite purity, glorified and raised above the heavens.
But the absurd creature could not believe its eyes of what was happening. As soon as they would go into the flow of the river, they'd become flash, mortal rotten flash, caught in the filthy spirals of humanoid desires, drawning the sanctity of so many tens, so many illusions destroyed and so many dreams dissembled...they were the Decaying Gods...mayhem...freedom...loss of all hopes!
The sight of all this was too much to bear for the absurd one.So much pain and sorrow that it knew it had to escape of the trapping bridge and fly away. Even with the price of half its soul. With a last struggle, the absurd one became a crippled soul, flying off to find some other worlds...
And there was no more choice of worlds!

The voyage

The day's coming to and end and the end is coming to an end and then there's a new beginning coming to another end. Leaving the sun, the sunny and miss Tha behind, the absurd creature is trying to find its way back to the mortal's world. The sounds of a song are chasing it throughout the great grey sky, like a flock of happy dolphins, stinging his ears with flashing red and violet.

The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hold
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

Between the worlds there is the river of all human emotions that it has to cross and there's only one way to do that: the bridge of immortal pain. All it ever felt comes back in vivid colors, stronger and stronger, embracing, suffocating, poisoning and burning. So, the absurd one stops in the middle of the bridge, falling into the trap of immortal pain and knowing it can never go back completely to the world it should be into. The silence and the loneliness are crushing its sobbing chest.Crossing to the Forbidden Beyond has its own price and now it's time to pay the dues.
And the song comes back again:

Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

Leave, but don't leave me

Somewhere on the edge of the universe, in a time-forgotten restaurant, where walls are made of liquid colors and music flows in waves, a song is played eternally.

Viniste a mi
Como poesia en la cancion
Mostrandome
Un nuevo mundo de pasion

Amandome
Sin egoismo y sin razon
Mas sin saber
Que era el amor
Yo protegi mi corazon

Two shadows are embraced in a forever sad tango. They keep on moving on the heart beats of the same torturing questioning of the life they used to have. They never really understood that some things are out of their time and space and there is no answer to the questions. They miss the human touch and it's been so long since they've been dancing that the memories have died out and all it's left is the dance and the shadows of their long gone souls, caught in an immortal circle.

El sol se fue
Y yo cantando tu cancion
La soledad
Se aduena de toda emocion

Perdoname
Si el miedo robo mi ilusion
Viniste a mi
No supe amar
Y solo queda esta cancion

It's all happening

A sickening sun was blinking bored in the great grey sky. It was time for environmental engineers to prepare the setting for dusk. After a rapid deconstruction, the sun is gone and the sunny comes in, with its pale redish, orange face. This is the latest design to replace what used to be the sunset. Most say it's quite ok. But sunny can't be too long in the sky, because it's not yet stable.
After sunny, miss Tha comes in, walked in by the same super fast engineers. They are so fast you can hardly see them, they only leave the trace of their shadow. But they are working on that too. Miss Tha is the replacement for the moon, who ate too much of mint and became greenish and ice-cold. So, there she is walking on the pitch dark blue velvet which covered the previous grey sky.
Same time, down there, in the purified desert, one absurd creature is talking to a non-existent one, in the shadow of a giant mushroom.
"Who are you? Who am I? What is life?"
"I've told you before. Stop asking questions. I'm too ancient to remember all this. And besides, I don't understand why you keep on asking all this"
"Because I want to know..."
"It's not gonna help you. That I know for a fact. Stay there where you are and stop seeking for knowledge that you should not have. It's only gonna make your journey more difficult. You'll always be with one foot in that world and the other in this world. Lose balance and you have to start all over again"
"But why would such a thing happen?"
"See? This is exactly your problem. As long as you don't know something, you'll be restless. Take my advice and let it go. Life is just a journey, not a destination. And this is exactly where you should live. Not here. And remember that the human body though it's a super intelligent machine, has its own limitations."
"It's hard to go back. It's even harder to forget"
"No one says forget it. But just try to stay there for now, where time and space are specially built for you, with all its threads and webs. Keep in mind: there is no good or bad, no right or wrong. It just is. So, take it like that!"
...silence fell...and the absurd creature took off. Half way, it stopped, looked back and said to the ancient non-existent one "I'm returning" and gone it was...
"You will return, like it or not. But go back to your time now..." said the absurd one, with a tired whisper.

---Beyond the PSR!

State of mind

Old New Tune

Don't think sorry's easily said
Don't cry, turn the tables instead
You've taken lots of chances before
But I ain't gonna give anymore
Don't ask me
That's how it goes
Cause part of me knows what you're thinkin'

Don't say words you're gonna regret
Don't let the fire rush to your head
I've heard the accusations before
And I ain't gonna take any more
Believe me
The sun in your eyes
Made some of the lies worth believing

I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
I can cheat you blind
And I don't need to see any more
To know that
I can read your mind, [looking at you] I can read your mind,[looking at you]i can read your mind [looking at you] i can read your mind

Don't leave false illusions behind
Don't cry, I ain't changing my mind
So find another fool like before
Cause I ain't gonna live anymore
Believing
Some of the lies
While all of the signs are deceiving
---APP

READY TO DIE

Happiness to that extreme, that you know for a fact there'll be no greater one in this life!
That's why I'm ready to die...but happy to be alive!

Theme of the day: ...non-words...

Today's theme...

"Breathe, breathe in the air.
Don't be afraid to care.
Leave but don't leave me.
Look around and choose your own ground.

Long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be.

Run, rabbit run.
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down it's time to dig another one.

For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race towards an early grave."

With great respect...

Nothing like this before

Just when you think that life could have no more surprises, the universe works in its own unexplainable ways to prove you wrong...within days it can put you from extreme hapiness to extreme sadness. So much of it, that your little human shell cannot contain or handle... So much of it, that no words could explain and no words are necessary. It just is there! Something out of your reach, something you cannot change (Where does it come from?)...and if you try to change, it kills you! It's like a bullet in the brain: sometimes it's better to leave it there than to try to pull it out.
Farewell, for I no longer live in my body! Just crossed the point of no return...

Fears

Life in general is a whole thread of fears, fear that you'll grow up and won't find anymore innocence and the feeling of genuine happiness, fear that you won't live enough to see your dreams becoming real, fear that if you see your dreams becoming real something will shatter down your glass world, fear that you won't make it to live up to the expectations of the ones you love, fear that you're bordering the freedom of the ones you love, fear that you will lose them one day...
And the sum of all is the fear of death, the same unavoidable ending for all of us...And if it's around the corner, are you ready for it or will you regret?

Supreme

There's a Hindu story about Krishna multiplying himself so he can dance wildly and passionately with each of his beloved milkmaids. The dance goes on and on, but the instant one of the milkmaids thinks Krishna is dancing with her alone, he disappears...

Something new

First time I ever tried paintballing. Sounded like a lot of fun so why not...? ..I thought before...
Bottom line: imagine this trashy, dirty, wet huge place with all sorts of obstacles and places to hide behind, mask on, anti-bullet vest, amo and attack!! Being the only girl there explains perhaps why I was aimed to a lot and why now I need a crane to get out of bed in the morning...All the running, crawling, sneaking and hiding made me very aware of muscles I even didn't know they existed. Not to mention the nice collection of bruises I have right now, all sizes, shapes & colors.
But nevertheless, nothing is more rewarding than an experience where all prime instincts are put in motion!
Victory!!!!!!!!!!
"...Blood dries up like rain..."

The best lyrics - today's theme

"Now I'm here can you see me
'Cos I'm out on my own
When the room goes cold tell me you can feel me
..........'cos I'm here

Here I am, can you see me
Passing through, on my way
To a place I'd been to only in my dreams... before

In a world of delusion
Never turn your back on a friend
'Cause you can count your real true friends on one hand
..........through life

There are those that deceive you
There are those That'll let you down
Is there someone out there that would die for you
..........thought not

Live your life with a passion
Everything you do, do well
You only get out of life what you put in
..........so they say

In a world of confusion
People never say that what they mean
If you want a straight answer go look for one
..........right now

In a room full of strangers
Do you stand with your back to the wall
Do you sometimes feel like you're on the outside
..........looking in ?

You can make your own luck
You create your destiny
I believe you have the power if you want to
..........it's true

You can do what you want to
If you try a little bit harder
A little bit of faith goes a long way
..........it does

Are we here for a reason ?
I'd like to know just what you think
It would be nice to know what happened when we die
..........wouldn't it ?

There are some who are wise
There are some who are born naive
I believe that there are some that must have lived before
..........don't you ?

As for me, well I'm thinking
You gotta keep an open mind
But I hope that my life's not an open and shut case.

Extra Sensory Perception
Life After Death, telepathy
Can the soul live on and travel through space and time ?

You know I feel so clated
'Cause I'm about to find it out
And when I know all the answers
Maybe then I'll come back
..........to feel you in

You don't be alarmed now
If I try to contact you
If things go missing or get moved around ...it's me

And don't disbelieve it
No matter what your `friends' might say
We'll meet up again some place some way
..........one day."

Iron Maiden - The Apparition

Boredom or depression?

Which one is which? I've come to think that at high levels there's actually no difference between these two. It's just the human necessity of putting everything in categories and hence eliminate the unknown of which we are so terribly afraid...
Reasons? Thousands...
For one thing, that people are careless, the more we immerse into life, the more indifferent we become towards the ones around us. Family & friends are no more than some concepts that are part of our world, but somehow we lost the emotions and feelings on the way. People laugh less, forget how it feels to surprise each other, forgot to play games (and I mean pure games and not cheesy, lame, psychological games),carelessly go on with "ordinary life", faces become more expresionless, ...Where are the small daily delights gone and why does everything has to spin so fast, leaving behind the joy? Life should be like an amusement park, you get excited, happy, you get scared too at times, but overall it feels good.
Whatever you might want to call this, it does have no excuse in the end, but it won't change either.
So, then, what is it? Boredom or depression?

Change of plans

Looks like the Quad will have to wait...though I was so close to buying it this very week. 150 cc, max. speed 120, a quad with some modifications that I'm not very sure they were quite ok...But still...I almost had it :)
Problem is the damn driving licence. As much as I tried to avoid I still have to go do again the driving test. It was pointing out the blinding obvious the whole time, but I refused to accept that this is the only option.
So, stay off the roads, next week I'm driving! :(

Hall of Lame - August awards

And this month, 1st place goes to the TV serie called "Weeds". Though a great, cool idea finally made its way up to the surface, after the 8th episode, apparently the producers didn't know what to do anymore with it and quite obvioulsy it turned into something that lame that you actually keep on watching it hoping that the director was suffering of temporary insanity and he'll recover.
And guess what? The budget was cut off for this serie. Wonder why.

2nd place goes to the amazing August weather in South Germany. To be accurate, this is November weather and just when you think it cannot get any worse, the weather does show you that it can. If you dare to complain about it, someone will always say:"Oh, this is much better. Two years ago I was wearing a winter jacket in July"...as if this is meant to bring you any comfort.

And last but not least, 3rd place goes to all the men that think you'll fall right in their arms after their few, but very lame attempts of getting your attention in any way.

Today

Being round you is driving me crazy
Watching you run is making me lazy
You're trying to buy a place in my head
Telling me lines I've already read
Speaking my name to try to confuse me
Say it again you're starting to lose me

That's alright I'm okay
It happens every single day
It's all the same
But I'm not blind

It's all about you not me
It's all about the things
That you're expecting me to be
There's not enough time to live
And all that you're expecting me to give

It's all about you not me
It's all about you not me

You're building my prison brick by brick
Eating your words is making me sick
You get what you want
Cause nothing is sacred
You're reading my mind
And leaving me naked
You say I gotta give before I receive it
One of these days I'll believe it.

It's all about you not me
It's all about the things
That you're expecting me to be
There's not enough time to live
And all that you're expecting me to give

It's all about you not me
It's all about you not me

[Lyrics: John Petrucci & Desmond Child - Dream Theater]

feed the brain!

http://www.y-origins.com

http://everything2.com/

http://www.erowid.org

http://www.howstuffworks.com

http://www.auralmoon.com

http://www.conclaveobscurum.ru/

Any suggestions? Please, feel free to post any.

Back to the Mothership...

Seems like an eternity since the weekend is gone and another eternity till the next one (doesn't it sound pathetic to live for the weekends...?)
Couldn't help not to think back at A'dam though...this city is actually every doper's dream, go and live there, eternally happy & high. And that reminded me of the fact that when we got there at night, we were just wondering the streets, in a particular area, full of pubs, bars, clubs and coffee shops. As you walk down there, you'd here whispers from the sides like "coca..coca..coca.." And even so, there was this girl, living exactly in that area..she just came righ out of the house, walking her little cotton white, puffy poodle, among all these drunk, high people, as if she was in the middle of a green, peacefull forest.
Respect for that!
How can anyone lead such a normal life in a dreamy place like A'dam? That's why I say that the best things in life are the ones that you mostly miss than have.
And now, switch back to the Alien Mood and work, work, work...

A-maze-ing!!!

And this is how the story goes: 4 people in one car (that later became the spaceship), 3 sleeping bags (out of which one was broken), a stinky tent, a 6 hours drive through rain, a cold, cold night and a huge stroke of good luck.
A'dam is always the place to return to, always alive and in perpetual motion. Every time you go there, it has a new story for you, a new riddle to solve, a new way to see the life and beyond...



Reality lies in the eyes of the beholder!

Amsterdam...

...I'm coming home!

We are in space

Though this was a personal weekend slogan, yesterday thousands of other people adhered to this idea, just yesterday. And that was because company's summer summit took place in Holiday Park (http://www.holidaypark.de)...So, quite literally Mothership took us in space...
There's one main thing for which this amusement park is worth big time and that is the GeForce roller-coaster, which takes you to a height of 62 meters (as a 20 floors building almost), turns you on a side at some 74 degrees angle and goes down in a 82 degrees angle, which basically means this: you see the cart going up and up and suddenly the tracks are gone and you have no idea where you go…(This was to quote a friend of mine)
And when you think that on top of all this, this harmless little roller-coaster is catching the speed of 120 km/h in only 3 seconds (making it the fastest in the world from this point of view), you can easily understand now the slogan “We are in space”
Funny is that none of these things are real joy unless you really lose control. So easy to say “let it go” and so hard to do. Most of us have the very false impression that we are in control of our lives and destinies. So, we wouldn’t try any of these crazy things because we like being in control and we like to know that we’re safe. We love our life exactly as it is.
So sad that we can’t even answer who are we and where do we come from, but we feel we’re in control…
There’s only one thing we can do: enjoy the ride!

WE ARE IN SPACE!!!

Funny mood

Funny mood, strange day, awesome to be alive!
Must be some time loop in the middle...but yesterday evening when I went to bed, it was still August...this morning, when I woke up, it was October. Spooky weather,I'm telling you. From 30 degrees to 16 over night??
Or is it because of the yesterday's cocktail that lead to another and another one and suddenly, the cubicle farm seems a much better place and Mothership takes us back to where we belong.
It's hard to say goodbye, but home just doesn't change!

Funny mood

adopt your own virtual pet!

What should it be?

Help! Can't make up my mind...
This...


...or this?

Salary in, salary out

Today's not even the first day of the new month...but still it's the day when your bank account fills up again...theoretically.
What happens in reality is today's entrance: salary and today's exit: the same salary. That's how I live! As far as I know (and I really don't know), life is just one, so you'd better enjoy it. If you're broke by the 10th of the month, so be it!
Sweet, oh, sweet life!
Grown-up life, among other things, means that the 1st of the month becomes the day you wait for, you start hating the Mondays, all of the sudden, you become an expert in paying taxes and eventually in avoiding that...and if you really, really want to fit perfectly the pattern, then you should know everything about fixing pipes and building houses, having kids and a nagging wife and where can you find the cheapest hotels in Italy or Greece.
Anything I left out?

"Money, its a crime.
Share it fairly but dont take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise its no surprise that they're
Giving none away."

I wish I was a printer

Damn you, AC, for being environmental distructive!
Who would have ever imagined that in the middle of so called developed country, you'd actually suffer because of lack of air conditioner?!? Not me, for sure.
The aliens working on the Mothership decided sometime ago not to have ACs in the offices, because of the bad, bad influence on the environment! Very, very nice of you!
And considering how summers are in Germany (almost non-existent), this was quite a fair and admirable decision!
And what do you know? Look at that: 3 weeks in a row with daily temperature of 37-39 degrees and sunny! Oh, my God! The end of the world is near!
So, all of us now are boiling in offices, not to mention that the heat makes people act irrationally and forget to check themselves in the mirrors before coming to work (and let me tell you this much, people here have boring underwear, if at all). Or maybe you’d think ‘Ah, look an office with a fan and nobody working there’. So, you take the fan, happily put into yours and next day a senior vice president walks into your office to demand his fan back...Ups...!
What do you think of having no AC in the cinema hall? That was the best of all! There’s actually one good thing about it: you can bring your corn and have instant popcorn inside the cinema.
The only rooms here that have working (!!!) AC are the printer rooms!
I wish I was a printer...

This summer's Hot Spot: Full Moon Festival

...the setting was absolutely fantastic

...it wasn't Woodstock, but Wittstock, in North Germany

...back to nature

...Fata Morgana

Homo Corporatus

Most probably, we all have colleagues whose faces we put in the middle of the darts boards...for all the good reasons. I mean what would the working place be without them? Probably a booooooring, nice place, morons-free...Hold it, paradise is far away!
My favorite type however is the Corporate Village Idiot. He's that colleague who has a very wide variety of little annoying habits, engineered to cause mental diseases among the sane co-workers.The CVI would always be a complete disaster in being fashionable (the choice of colors is quite close to the variety of a psy trance banner, but very, very tasteless), would wear the same shoes for at least 4 years and for customer presentations would wear his lucky socks, with little bananas and apples on them (because somebody forgot to explain him the difference between a customer meeting and the village harvesting festival). The same guy would never miss any free party in the company and would usually have 3 to 7 little brats, in order to make sure that his genius genes will spread equally on all continents. The CVI would almost always have some food in the office, that he would not hesitate to enjoy (this means of course, a range of nervous noises that go beyond any limits of human imagination), while you have a conference call with an important customer or the board members of your company. Nevertheless, the CVI enjoys mostly spending his afternoon in very loud conversations over the phone, laughing almost hysterically at all the silly jokes and making sure that by the end you’re immune to plane crash noises.
And…this is how you spot aliens at work!!!!

Have a nice working week! :-)

Out of office reply

A friend of mine wrote in his out of office reply something like: "I'm on holidays! If you really, really need me...then ok, write me on my private email adress and I'll see what I can do" :-)
Sometimes, people don't get what out of office/being on holidays mean. So, I guess that's the right way to stress it out.
Or you can simply use one of these:

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from my holidays. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

:)

Hello Me, meet the real Me!

What started out yesterday with lots of skepticism and general negative attitude, turned out to be a life changing experience. And that would be the so called Adventure Park Kandel.(http://www.abenteuerpark-kandel.de/ - Don't be fooled by all the nice kiddies pix they have on the website..."They Tricks Us!" )
Thanks to the Mothership, there are yearly departament outgoings, which I usually find deadly boring.
But yesterday, we went to this adventure park, where you have all these routes in the trees, where you walk on swings or on a rope, slide down on a rope to the next tree, bike on a rope, climb a ledder, crawl in suspended tube and many, many other things of this sort...all happening at some 6 to 18 meters above the ground.
Besides the sheer excitement, mingled with fear and desire to go till the end, freedom of mind and sharpening the survivor's instincts, it was absolutely hilarious.
Imagine a quite big wood and wherever you look up in the trees, there's someone hanging out there (quite literally). A whole world up in the trees and all the people down on the streets seem to be rather imune to all the yelling, Tarzan screaming and flying people above their heads. Check out the Travelog...put up some pix there!

Access to 4th dimension: granted!So long and thanks for all the fish!

Valid for any Customer Info Line :-)

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you’re obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you’re codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you’re paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
If you’re delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother ship.
If you’re schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you’re depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you’ll press. No one will answer you.
If you’re dyslexic, press 69696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, press the hash key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.
If you have a short term memory loss, please try your call again later.
And if you have no self esteem, hang out for all our operators are too busy to talk to you.


Have a nice start of the week!

Fight the boredom!!!!!!!!!

Let's face it: you can't pretend for 8 straight hours that you're working on something highly important that requires your entire and immediate attention. We all know these tricks...walking on the halls, carrying some files and look like in you're a big hurry (though you're going to grab the 10th cup of coffee), look very focused in your laptop (even though you're just reading the newspaper) etc etc..
But what do you do when you're really boooored out of your mind?
For one thing, you can either start writing a blog, like this...(After all, the humankind has no rival in the crap production)
Reading newspapers and all that is smoked stuff...Then, by noon you're also done with checking all your friends' blogs
What else? Check the daily fun websites, like:
www.break.com (Winner award)
www.youtube.com
www.guzer.com
www.darwinawards.com...to see the most stupid deaths in the world...
www.heardinnewyork.com...just to check what stupid things people say on the streets of New York..
Then, you're probably back to reading some news adn magazines...Download some music, some movies...
Anything I left out?...
And now, guys, back to work!

Corporate Work

Looks kind of familiar, right? :)

New look, new style, new life, new me, new everything

Summer of 2006

Ok, this is the plan for this summer...though I don't know where will the universe take me...

There's:
Fullmoon Festival - Berlin- some of the names playing: Infected Mushroom, Astral Projection and the one and only Raja Ram
http://www.fullmoon-festival.com/control.htm

Summer Breeze - somewhere in Germany - some of the names: Moonspell, Fear Factory
http://www.summer-breeze.de/site.php?name=Bands

Rock am Ring - of course, in Germany as well: some of the names: Metallica, Guns'n'Roses, Depeche Mode, Placebo, Tool, Korn... and many more
http://www.rock-am-ring.com/main.html

And...there's more ...


Who's joining??