Valid for any Customer Info Line :-)

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you’re obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you’re codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you’re paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
If you’re delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother ship.
If you’re schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you’re depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you’ll press. No one will answer you.
If you’re dyslexic, press 69696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, press the hash key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.
If you have a short term memory loss, please try your call again later.
And if you have no self esteem, hang out for all our operators are too busy to talk to you.


Have a nice start of the week!