Today's not even the first day of the new month...but still it's the day when your bank account fills up again...theoretically.
What happens in reality is today's entrance: salary and today's exit: the same salary. That's how I live! As far as I know (and I really don't know), life is just one, so you'd better enjoy it. If you're broke by the 10th of the month, so be it!
Sweet, oh, sweet life!
Grown-up life, among other things, means that the 1st of the month becomes the day you wait for, you start hating the Mondays, all of the sudden, you become an expert in paying taxes and eventually in avoiding that...and if you really, really want to fit perfectly the pattern, then you should know everything about fixing pipes and building houses, having kids and a nagging wife and where can you find the cheapest hotels in Italy or Greece.
Anything I left out?
"Money, its a crime.
Share it fairly but dont take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise its no surprise that they're
Giving none away."
7.31.2006
7.28.2006
I wish I was a printer
Damn you, AC, for being environmental distructive!
Who would have ever imagined that in the middle of so called developed country, you'd actually suffer because of lack of air conditioner?!? Not me, for sure.
The aliens working on the Mothership decided sometime ago not to have ACs in the offices, because of the bad, bad influence on the environment! Very, very nice of you!
And considering how summers are in Germany (almost non-existent), this was quite a fair and admirable decision!
And what do you know? Look at that: 3 weeks in a row with daily temperature of 37-39 degrees and sunny! Oh, my God! The end of the world is near!
So, all of us now are boiling in offices, not to mention that the heat makes people act irrationally and forget to check themselves in the mirrors before coming to work (and let me tell you this much, people here have boring underwear, if at all). Or maybe you’d think ‘Ah, look an office with a fan and nobody working there’. So, you take the fan, happily put into yours and next day a senior vice president walks into your office to demand his fan back...Ups...!
What do you think of having no AC in the cinema hall? That was the best of all! There’s actually one good thing about it: you can bring your corn and have instant popcorn inside the cinema.
The only rooms here that have working (!!!) AC are the printer rooms!
I wish I was a printer...
Who would have ever imagined that in the middle of so called developed country, you'd actually suffer because of lack of air conditioner?!? Not me, for sure.
The aliens working on the Mothership decided sometime ago not to have ACs in the offices, because of the bad, bad influence on the environment! Very, very nice of you!
And considering how summers are in Germany (almost non-existent), this was quite a fair and admirable decision!
And what do you know? Look at that: 3 weeks in a row with daily temperature of 37-39 degrees and sunny! Oh, my God! The end of the world is near!
So, all of us now are boiling in offices, not to mention that the heat makes people act irrationally and forget to check themselves in the mirrors before coming to work (and let me tell you this much, people here have boring underwear, if at all). Or maybe you’d think ‘Ah, look an office with a fan and nobody working there’. So, you take the fan, happily put into yours and next day a senior vice president walks into your office to demand his fan back...Ups...!
What do you think of having no AC in the cinema hall? That was the best of all! There’s actually one good thing about it: you can bring your corn and have instant popcorn inside the cinema.
The only rooms here that have working (!!!) AC are the printer rooms!
I wish I was a printer...
7.26.2006
This summer's Hot Spot: Full Moon Festival
...the setting was absolutely fantastic
...it wasn't Woodstock, but Wittstock, in North Germany
...back to nature
...Fata Morgana
7.25.2006
Homo Corporatus
Most probably, we all have colleagues whose faces we put in the middle of the darts boards...for all the good reasons. I mean what would the working place be without them? Probably a booooooring, nice place, morons-free...Hold it, paradise is far away!
My favorite type however is the Corporate Village Idiot. He's that colleague who has a very wide variety of little annoying habits, engineered to cause mental diseases among the sane co-workers.The CVI would always be a complete disaster in being fashionable (the choice of colors is quite close to the variety of a psy trance banner, but very, very tasteless), would wear the same shoes for at least 4 years and for customer presentations would wear his lucky socks, with little bananas and apples on them (because somebody forgot to explain him the difference between a customer meeting and the village harvesting festival). The same guy would never miss any free party in the company and would usually have 3 to 7 little brats, in order to make sure that his genius genes will spread equally on all continents. The CVI would almost always have some food in the office, that he would not hesitate to enjoy (this means of course, a range of nervous noises that go beyond any limits of human imagination), while you have a conference call with an important customer or the board members of your company. Nevertheless, the CVI enjoys mostly spending his afternoon in very loud conversations over the phone, laughing almost hysterically at all the silly jokes and making sure that by the end you’re immune to plane crash noises.
And…this is how you spot aliens at work!!!!
Have a nice working week! :-)
My favorite type however is the Corporate Village Idiot. He's that colleague who has a very wide variety of little annoying habits, engineered to cause mental diseases among the sane co-workers.The CVI would always be a complete disaster in being fashionable (the choice of colors is quite close to the variety of a psy trance banner, but very, very tasteless), would wear the same shoes for at least 4 years and for customer presentations would wear his lucky socks, with little bananas and apples on them (because somebody forgot to explain him the difference between a customer meeting and the village harvesting festival). The same guy would never miss any free party in the company and would usually have 3 to 7 little brats, in order to make sure that his genius genes will spread equally on all continents. The CVI would almost always have some food in the office, that he would not hesitate to enjoy (this means of course, a range of nervous noises that go beyond any limits of human imagination), while you have a conference call with an important customer or the board members of your company. Nevertheless, the CVI enjoys mostly spending his afternoon in very loud conversations over the phone, laughing almost hysterically at all the silly jokes and making sure that by the end you’re immune to plane crash noises.
And…this is how you spot aliens at work!!!!
Have a nice working week! :-)
7.21.2006
Out of office reply
A friend of mine wrote in his out of office reply something like: "I'm on holidays! If you really, really need me...then ok, write me on my private email adress and I'll see what I can do" :-)
Sometimes, people don't get what out of office/being on holidays mean. So, I guess that's the right way to stress it out.
Or you can simply use one of these:
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from my holidays. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.
:)
Sometimes, people don't get what out of office/being on holidays mean. So, I guess that's the right way to stress it out.
Or you can simply use one of these:
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from my holidays. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.
:)
7.19.2006
Hello Me, meet the real Me!
What started out yesterday with lots of skepticism and general negative attitude, turned out to be a life changing experience. And that would be the so called Adventure Park Kandel.(http://www.abenteuerpark-kandel.de/ - Don't be fooled by all the nice kiddies pix they have on the website..."They Tricks Us!" )
Thanks to the Mothership, there are yearly departament outgoings, which I usually find deadly boring.
But yesterday, we went to this adventure park, where you have all these routes in the trees, where you walk on swings or on a rope, slide down on a rope to the next tree, bike on a rope, climb a ledder, crawl in suspended tube and many, many other things of this sort...all happening at some 6 to 18 meters above the ground.
Besides the sheer excitement, mingled with fear and desire to go till the end, freedom of mind and sharpening the survivor's instincts, it was absolutely hilarious.
Imagine a quite big wood and wherever you look up in the trees, there's someone hanging out there (quite literally). A whole world up in the trees and all the people down on the streets seem to be rather imune to all the yelling, Tarzan screaming and flying people above their heads. Check out the Travelog...put up some pix there!
Access to 4th dimension: granted!So long and thanks for all the fish!
Thanks to the Mothership, there are yearly departament outgoings, which I usually find deadly boring.
But yesterday, we went to this adventure park, where you have all these routes in the trees, where you walk on swings or on a rope, slide down on a rope to the next tree, bike on a rope, climb a ledder, crawl in suspended tube and many, many other things of this sort...all happening at some 6 to 18 meters above the ground.
Besides the sheer excitement, mingled with fear and desire to go till the end, freedom of mind and sharpening the survivor's instincts, it was absolutely hilarious.
Imagine a quite big wood and wherever you look up in the trees, there's someone hanging out there (quite literally). A whole world up in the trees and all the people down on the streets seem to be rather imune to all the yelling, Tarzan screaming and flying people above their heads. Check out the Travelog...put up some pix there!
Access to 4th dimension: granted!So long and thanks for all the fish!
7.17.2006
Valid for any Customer Info Line :-)
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you’re obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you’re codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you’re paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
If you’re delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother ship.
If you’re schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you’re depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you’ll press. No one will answer you.
If you’re dyslexic, press 69696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, press the hash key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.
If you have a short term memory loss, please try your call again later.
And if you have no self esteem, hang out for all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Have a nice start of the week!
If you’re obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you’re codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you’re paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
If you’re delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother ship.
If you’re schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you’re depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you’ll press. No one will answer you.
If you’re dyslexic, press 69696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, press the hash key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.
If you have a short term memory loss, please try your call again later.
And if you have no self esteem, hang out for all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Have a nice start of the week!
7.06.2006
Fight the boredom!!!!!!!!!
Let's face it: you can't pretend for 8 straight hours that you're working on something highly important that requires your entire and immediate attention. We all know these tricks...walking on the halls, carrying some files and look like in you're a big hurry (though you're going to grab the 10th cup of coffee), look very focused in your laptop (even though you're just reading the newspaper) etc etc..
But what do you do when you're really boooored out of your mind?
For one thing, you can either start writing a blog, like this...(After all, the humankind has no rival in the crap production)
Reading newspapers and all that is smoked stuff...Then, by noon you're also done with checking all your friends' blogs
What else? Check the daily fun websites, like:
www.break.com (Winner award)
www.youtube.com
www.guzer.com
www.darwinawards.com...to see the most stupid deaths in the world...
www.heardinnewyork.com...just to check what stupid things people say on the streets of New York..
Then, you're probably back to reading some news adn magazines...Download some music, some movies...
Anything I left out?...
And now, guys, back to work!
But what do you do when you're really boooored out of your mind?
For one thing, you can either start writing a blog, like this...(After all, the humankind has no rival in the crap production)
Reading newspapers and all that is smoked stuff...Then, by noon you're also done with checking all your friends' blogs
What else? Check the daily fun websites, like:
www.break.com (Winner award)
www.youtube.com
www.guzer.com
www.darwinawards.com...to see the most stupid deaths in the world...
www.heardinnewyork.com...just to check what stupid things people say on the streets of New York..
Then, you're probably back to reading some news adn magazines...Download some music, some movies...
Anything I left out?...
And now, guys, back to work!
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