5 days on Mars

That's how it feels after 5 days in Hyderabad, India...! Completely different world that I completely enjoy...
There's no word that can describe it all, there's not one word. It's either everything or nothing! You just have to let yourself go with the flow and let go of all you know. This is such a basic way of living, with all the luxury included, such an efficient way....that it makes you wonder why do we actually complicate our lives so much?
Though this all started in the most unpredictable way and I came all by myself here, that was just the beginning of a wonderful ride! And despite all the warnings about traffic, crowd, heat and food, I must say I've never been better. And that's for one reason only: absolute freedom!! Hard to describe this kind of a freedom, when you have no past, no strings attached, sink into the flow and live on.
From another perspective, this is where the whole world is happening right now! It's like being on the top of the wave and the shores are far off from site! There's nothing that you can think of that you would not get here...

Right now, I'm staying with friends in an apartament that has no lock on the main door, where people keep on pouring in and out,took me two full days to figure out who all is living here, cars and bikes are common property and all is constant change. "Trainspotting" unfolding in front of your eyes! :))
All the noises around and the liveliness is just music for the ears. The legendary traffic is indeed something out of this world, where signs and lane dividers serve only for esthetic purposes. The basic rule of moving around is the eye contact followed by honking...which can mean anything from Get the hell out of my way to Thank you!

Anyways, there's much more to tell.. but for now, this post is going to be signed off with my immense gratitude towards the year that is slowly walking out the door! I truly enjoyed this journey with all the ups and downs and keep on looking forward to the next one!

Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!!

Im memoriam

..for my friend, that passed away yesterday into another realm beyond my reach...
Bye, bye, its been a sweet love. See you on the other side!


I can't remember anything
can't tell if this is true or dream
deep down inside I feel to scream
this terrible silence stops me

now that the war is through with me
I'm waking up, I cannot see
that there's not much left of me
nothing is real but pain now

hold my breath as I wish for death
oh please God, wake me

back in the womb it's much too real
in pumps life that I must feel
but can't look forward to reveal
look to the time when I'll live

fed through the tube that sticks in me
just like a wartime novelty
tied to machines that make me be
cut this life off from me

hold my breath as I wish for death
oh please God, wake me

now the world is gone I'm just one
oh God, help me hold my breath as I wish for death

darkness imprisoning me
all that I see
absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
trapped in myself
body my holding cell

landmine has taken my sight
taken my speech
taken my hearing
taken my arms
taken my legs
taken my soul
left me with life in hell (ONE-Metallica)

The constant change

- Picture taken from the train, on the way home two years ago -

All this thinking about what lies ahead and what the universe has in store for me and where this life is leading...took me to the a conclusion I knew, but somehow overlooked. In the end of it all, there is no right and wrong! Whatever I might think now it might be the right thing to do, could be in the end really bad for someone else. And the other way around works too.. How many times did we curse a certain course of events to realise afterwards it couldn't have any better? ...The universe has its own way of balancing out the equations.
And that's how the dilemma is solved. For the question which is the right decision to take...there just is no right or wrong.
It's all about the same duality you have in everything we know so far, cause and effect, plus and minus, past and future, positive and negative, constant and change.
It is the halfs that always make one!

The dilemma

Very often I've admired the ones who go for exactly what they want in life, regardless of the lack of comfort. The ones who know themselves well enough to see what they're made for and go for that, taking life by the horns or enjoying the ride, no matter how cruel the universe seems to them...But most of these are not foreseen.
I strongly believe that comfort makes you numb and stupid, that most of the times extreme pain causes beauty in spirit, that extreme situations make you evolve.
But if you see and know already that the ocean in front of you is trouble, the waters are dark and have no idea how deep they run, would you still swim into it?
On the other side is another you that you want to reach, if you make it through the journey. You might drown, you might find another strength, you might immerse into another world...but there's a faint possibility to reach that shore, the other you.
What would you do?

To the Universe

Yes, that's some attitude with altitude! Because heights don't make me dizzy anymore and the abyss can't scare me anymore. I am the abyss! You think that's too much? I don't. What would you know? Me daring to have a counter opinion...
Nothing is as it seems, it's always much more simple than that. I'm very greatful for being one!
Still don't know which part is entirely mine and which is the original. But, to make it simple: no separation! One and THE one is in the end just ground zero.
And worry not. If I fly too high, I'll make sure I won't hurt the sky!

I don't believe I was cursed by being born in a human form (though once in a while it's difficult to be in my container, but that's another story). Neither do I believe that humans are the most special ones in the universe.
And I do have a blind faith and love for life, which I can't really explain. It doesn't mean either that it was all honey and milk. Had its own bad flavours. But I guess that's the only true way to appreciate it in the end. No, I don't guess. Now, I know.
There was a loss in our birth, as in we forgot who we were in order to to be able to take this journey, called life. We forgot the reason why or maybe we never knew it. Have we always known each other or there is a power of new creation in the universe? Have we known the rules for this game before or we weren't designed to have emotions? ....The very miracle of our existence ;):)
In the end, I believe in consciousness as well :)

I've changed the rules and hope you won't mind!

Currently listening to: ...silence...

That's exactly it...

Currently listening to Alphawezen - Speed of Light


Touch me, I am losing shape
Look, I am invisible, can you say my name?

Is there a perfect sky that we came from?
We`ll be like stars forever shining on

Catch me, I am almost there
How can I be near, I am high-speed, I am
everywhere

I couldn`t catch your smile
You were blinded by another sight
I couldn`t say good-bye
You were travelling at the speed of light

You and me, we never crossed the boundary
that`s how I know you - I can hear you say
You and me, we never unveil mysteries
Once we were shining - we never tried again

You and me, we never crossed the boundary
that`s how I know you - I can hear you say
You and me, always drowning separately
When I try to reach you - you are miles away

Touch me, I am losing shape
Look, I am invisible, can you say my name

Is there a perfect sky that we came from?
We`ll be like stars forever shining on

Catch me, I am almost there
How can I be near, I am high-speed, I am
everywhere

You couldn`t read my mind
How I wanted you to hold me tight
I couldn`t save that night
It was passing by at the speed of light

You and me, we never crossed the boundary
that`s how I know you - I can hear you say
You and me, we never unveil mysteries
Once we were shining - we never tried again

We are flesh and we are free
We are driftwood in the sea
From the distance we are stars
Like there is a face on Mars

We are lost and we are one
We are neighbours to the sun
Slowly drifting out of sight
Travelling at the speed of light