The loss

And there he was, standing in front of the same merciless audience, trying to find the words that would melt the painful silence and get the weight off his chest, put an end to a dream to start another.
"You! Yes, you!Is that all you can do? Be lost in your thoughts, battling them every day in a different way and think that is the right choice? Open your eyes, there's so much more for you to learn. Stop the time and you'll know what you are. Stop the regrets and you'll know what you can become. But do not stop dreaming."
"Hey, you! You, over there! You think that you're the only one dealing with your demons, waking up in a different world every day? So, are we! But we've learned the ways. And you'd better do the same before it's too late."
"And you? Is that what you really think, that we are always alone and that we were meant to be like that? Not for a clean heart. Speak ! One can only deal with the things he knows."

"Ah, and you, nice trick! New day, new eyes, new world! Hilarious...the way you think you'll be always right and when you run out of reasons... easy, new eyes, new world. Oh, if you would only know how much it hurts. And it hurts you in the end. Your way or no way, but your way changes all the time."

No answers. No replies. The same awful silence.
Just the accusing eyes of the audience."We are all you! You are your own judge and forgiver!"
Everything fell in darkness and he looked around. He was alone! There was no audience! There never was any...

where from and where to

Shiva and Shakti are the basics of the entire Tantra philosophy. In essence Shiva and Shakti are undifferentiated unity. They can never be separated; one cannot exist without the other. We look at them as being two separated concepts, but that is due to the limitations of our understanding, and our language. We have to invent names and concepts in order to have some understanding of what lies beyond our understanding.

Everything that exists can be reduced to two concepts: consciousness and manifestations. Manifestations are dependant on consciousness. In tantra, consciousness is called Shiva, and manifestation, which is also seen as power, is called Shakti.

Lost and found

Love by Pablo Neruda

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects.

Namaste

I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides,
I honor the place in you of love, of light, of truth, of peace.
I honor the place within you where if you are in that place in you
and I am in that place in me,
there is only one of us.

Barcelona

Barcelona

How about that, huh?

Néo (Matrix) : 77%
Indiana Jones : 75%
Jim Levenstein (American Pie) : 75%
Hannibal Lecter : 75%
James Bond : 74%
Batman / Bruce Wayne : 74%
Maximus (Gladiator) : 73%
Eric Draven (The Crow) : 72%
Tony Montana (Scarface) : 72%
Forrest Gump : 67%
Yoda (Star Wars) : 66%
Schrek : 62%

Quel héros de film es-tu ?

My Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

I like...

Which level of hell do you deserve?

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Words and NonWords

And the day after...

After trying to cross the bridge of Eternal Emotions and left half of his soul there, the Absurd Creature took off and flew and flew as much, as far and as high as he could, trying to dicover a new world and weeping softly "What a terrible price to pay....". But this part of his journey came to an end, because he was supposed to live with the ones he already discovered and sink into them.
All alone, tired and with tears floating around his little perfectly rounded shaped head, the Absurd Creature was resting on one corner of a greenish universe, thinking what to do next, thinking of all that happend.
He remembered all of a sudden the realities and worlds he's been into, all the creatures he meat, all the friends he once had. It gave him such a fuzzy feeling knowing that he broke some records by travelling so fast from one world to the other. He still needed to learn how to master the Switch though...It even took him a long time to find the Switch, because he was always looking for it outside of his head. How silly is that?
He remembered that he was born in a world that was so small, usually dark, but in a very pleasant way and it always smelling like some goodies, that he couldn't really describe. Or did they even have a smell? Or maybe taste? Color?...No idea...The exact location of this world was now pretty much unknown, but the memories linked to it were still fresh like a daisy. Some day, even this link will turn colors and he will start doubting the sheer existence of this world.
He crossed then a world with very strange creatures, that did not know electricity at all, another one, with people that didn't know what's a sky. There he kept on wondering all the time "How can you live without a sky?!" Once he meat this creature that could remember all the music ever played in his universe, a huge walking music repository. And what a shame that no one had the patience to listen to all his records, except for the Absurd one, who spent there countless light-and-thunder-years. Or how about this other creature with gorgeous wings of fire that was trying to protect the earth, but instead he was burning it. The Absurd one had a short conversion with him, but the heat drove him away soon enough.
And of course, the NonExistent Creature, who he'd meet in every universe and every time it was such a happy thing to happen!

But what now? Where to go and what to do? Which world to pick?

Tell me something

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me

"I'm a Golden God" or Reality is God's Dream

Practially every one of the top 40 records being played on every radio station in the United States is a communication to the children to take a trip, to cop out, to groove. The psychedelic jackets on the record albums have their own hidden symbols and messages as well as the lyrics to all the top rock songs and they all sing the same refrain: It's fun to take a trip, put acid in your veins.
"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. If you take the blue pill, the story ends, and you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. If you take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show how deep the rabbit-hole goes."
"Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream - how would you know the difference between the dreamworld and the real world?"
"When I dance, I let myself to take me to a journey - the unconscious journey to reality."
"The last thing I remember is being in a really small place. I was flying or floating in warm liquid. I couldn't see anything, but I was sensing things. There was no pain, there were no feelings. So I guess that, in a way, I was happy."
"And the view of the Earth, that was the only, the only place of the whole universe that had any color - everything else was black and white."
"We have determined that the human form is best suited to our purposes."
"Converging on the hive from deep space."
"Enlightened Evolution."
"We have now taken first steps to bio-genetically transforming all of our hybernating population into humanoids."
"I am one million kilometers from the star's corona. I shall reach it in aproximately three minutes. I am actually flying INTO a star. This is incredible!"
"He was involved in narcotics and drug activities, he was known to carry handguns, he was known to carry large amounts of cash. And he has some underworld failures, aah... and there was many number of things that could possibly happen to him."
"You're all in need of intensive psychedelic care."
"You live on controlled hallucination."

My love

WHY...?... MY DECAYING GOD...!!!

Alcohoroscope

Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool--though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything--especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

:) What's your drinking sign?

Hello Me, meet the real Me!

And that's how it goes: ex nihilo!

How long has it been...

...since I came to know this pain? I can't really remember...My whole being goes numb with such pain and after a while I stop feeling it and the shadow of a smile appears in the corner of an eye. That's when it starts again to hurt...to see that the universe has already decided, that you're just a pawn in someone's cruel game, someone that can't take his own feelings. And all I could give was love for life.
Spoken words are played over and over again like a broken record meant to drive you insane...thought you were different but there is no other choice, my sweetest friend...
But more than those, it hurts to see your choice of silence...Is it because I'll see how things really are? That reality does not exist! The fundamental difference in beliefs.
How many times do I have to cry out loud NO... Will you ever know that?

...I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything...

There's still something wrong...

...with the world, in this place, but don't want to think of that. I won't let the world get to me. Not today!
Remembered some of the funniest things that happend lately...

On the flight to India, one guy sitting next to me is trying to strike some kind of a conversation, but unfortunately or fortunately I couldn't understand most of what he was saying, because he had a weird ass accent. Completely out of the blue he says: "Did you have Indian male?"...puzzled look on my face and thinking "Wtf?!?"...I turn my head and look the other direction and try to ignore the questions. 2 seconds later he taps me on the shoulder: "Did you have Indian male?"...I look around and I see the crew bringing in the food...That's when I realised he meant "meal"....

The flat where I was staying, had no lock on the main door. So someone always had to be the sacrificial lamb. One day it was Ajay's turn to sit at home. After many hours, he was dying of thirst and hunger and nobody was showing up (which by the way, is highly unusual)...He had no cellphone because he sold it for coke, so he contacted online a friend in another city, 2000 km away, to call one of his friends to come drop him some food and water. I love internet!

When I came back to the office, I found a small present glued on my monitor. It was one of the Dilbert comics, showing a dog waving a broomstick and saying "Out, out, you demons of stupidity!"...and below "Happy New Year!"...and my colleague was explaining: "That's exactly what you say...I though you must have it"...Thank you, I'm touched!

I'll be back with some more crap...So long!

Something's wrong with the world today

And I know what it is...
Coming back to Germany was the true cultural shock...Europe, all of the sudden seems little, sad and tasteless. For a moment, just right after landing, I was fooled by the warm weather and the bright, sunny day and was actually wondering 'Is this Germany?'...By evening, a cold, powerful wind brought loads of rain and a very clear answer for my question: 'Yeap, this is Germany, alright! No doubt about it!'
For some reason that I can't explain, India gave me such much of positive energy...can't really describe the feeling...which I know will fade with time.
Here are some pictures of the best trip ever:

The Blue Planet

Long way from home...

Living on the edge

Tiny bit of India's most powerful temple: Srisailum

Birla Mandir, the marble temple of Hyderabad and this is god Venkatesh

Charminar, Hyderabad. The most crowded place on the face of the Earth

More to come...http://picasaweb.google.com/andrinha