Walking On Fire

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2007-12-26T05:19:00.000-08:00

That's me

2007-12-25T13:15:00.000-08:00

Another year

2007-12-25T12:34:00.001-08:00

It's almost gone and it makes you wonder all sorts of things...why is it that the truly close to your heart friends are too far away and meeting them is always the best and the shortest thing that can happen and why is it that the ones that you see everyday are not there for you? Why do you remember easier the disappointments and the really hurtfull moments more than the really happy days?
Are they really gone or is it simply much harder to keep a smile on your face?
You don't have anymore a place of your own, a home, a familiar way of living, because you've taken your life to somewhere else. And who would have know that time, being so merciless, will make this decision irreversible, that you can't go back? It will always be up to you, what you're gonna make of that, an eternal fugitive, not know exactly what you're running away from...or just having a diverse way to live your life, filling in the gaps.
And yes, you do want more, you always want more and you always hope you will get more, but you know it's not fair to ask anything from anyone.
And you still hope...
Always looking into tomorrow and hoping it will be alright.
It will get better.

Beauty in precision

2007-11-07T02:20:00.000-08:00

Hanging on to words

2007-11-06T04:13:00.000-08:00

...in all that space inhabited by silence, there are a lot of dreams I might have missed, a lot of dreams to fill the gap the distance left and my beliefs. They turn and twist to constantly fill up that space and after some time, it's hard to guess what was real and what was dream. Self created? Very true.
Because when all the doors are shut, that's all it is left: my spinning dreams in a broken glass bubble. You think I don't know that? I do very well. But that's just another choice I make.
Now, how fair do you think it is that your freedom is my thoughts prison? And I know what you will say that it's my choice and the world is not a fair place...

Don't talk to me. Don't speak to me. Stay with me.

2007-11-02T15:02:00.001-07:00

I'm no good company, I guess that's true
I like my silence, like I love you
But if you feel like talking, talk away
I'm gonna hang on to every word you say

Why won't you let me believe?

2007-10-18T03:41:00.000-07:00

Why is it that so many of us seem to carelessly go ahead, not looking left or right, not caring where they are heading, not knowing, not caring to know, not dreaming, not hoping, not crying, not laughing...? Why is it that so many of us are just afraid to care? Because it's so much easier not to?
Is it indeed a world of quitters, takers and indifference? Is that it?
I just started not giving up...

Brain wash

2007-08-02T04:51:00.000-07:00

From all the answers or different kind of support that you might get when life gets really tuff on you, my personal favourite is the "law of the pendulum"...a typical situation when a hand on the shoulder requires unimaginable masses of atomic energy and eternal recognition as Immortal God of Mercy. And that is probably just one of the minor good deeds. Delivered on daily basis, effortlessly. Something like the cow's warm milk.

But coming back to the law of pendulum, the greatest scientific minds have agreed that the higher you fly, the lower you will fall. Equivalent exchange of normal happiness and normal depression. Of course, you may choose your perspective, depending on how blue is planet Earth today. You can also see it as the lower you fall, the higher you fly. Will? Might? Not sure, but that will be the point for another metaphysical investigation into human misery.

But conclusion is universal: if it hurts that much that your sight becomes blurry, is all ok, because you must have done something to deserve it. And if you didn't, you surely will.

See? That's how equivalent exchange works, including those mercifull words that show you the infinite compassion of the ones in your virtual proximity.

If I may ask, could you please tell me which is the right order? Do you have to fly first and then you fall or do you commite suicide first? Or if you fall first, does anyone keep the account for how many flights I am entitled to?

And what if you just don't want to fly or fall? What then? Do we call it even and say it's destiny?

Reject!

That's where I can step in and be the judge of what I deserve to choose.

What's your Demon?

2007-07-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

Don't give up just yet

2007-07-12T04:17:00.001-07:00

There she was standing again, at the same crossroad she knew so well...wherever she would go, she'd always come back to the same familiar spot...the only place that was ever hers, at times to hate and at times to love.

The wind was blowing softly through the shades of blue and that sound was just a reminder that none of this was real, there wasn't just one of her, there were many. And that was exactly what she was contemplating while wondering which way to go this time, which way that she didn't take before, which way where she would find other selves than before.

There was nothing left, it was all too familiar.

Straight ahead. One more time, maybe the last. The one road that was going into deep darkness, where the anxiety would be the only raison d'etre and where she would have to fight over and over again the sigths of seeing the edges of madness. Only that now there was a difference: she did not need any more her other self, she could it alone. It was time to stop avoiding the truth that everything else was the beauty of her own mind.

"Shh, child, sleep. The dream is not yet over..."

2007-07-10T05:22:00.000-07:00

Your Personality Is Like Alcohol

You're the life of the party, a total flirt, and probably a pretty big jokester.
Sometimes your behavior gets you in trouble, but you still remain socially acceptable.
You're a pretty bad driver, and you're dancing could also use a little work!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

What else is there?

2007-07-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

It was me on that road
But you couldn`t see me
Too many lights out, but nowhere near here

It was me on that road
Still you couldn`t see me
And then flashlights and explosions

Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance but not together
I am the storm and I am the wonder
And the flashlights, nigthmares
And sudden explosions

I don't know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

It's about you and the sun
A morning run
The story of my maker
What I have and what I ache for

I`ve got a golden ear
And cut and I spear
What else is there?

Roads are getting nearer
We cover distance still not together
If I am the storm if I am the wonder
Will I have flashlights, nightmares, sudden explosions

There is no room where I can go and
You`ve got secrets too
I don`t know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

By an autumn soul

2007-06-01T13:01:00.000-07:00

"Epifanía Inacabada

La niebla que cae sobre la ciudad es un manto frío de amabilidad engañosa.

Caminamos entre la bruma, por las calles insomnes, a horas en que quizás estaríamos mejor llevando una vida entre otros lienzos.

Comienza a amanecer. Aún siento tu mano caliente rozando la mía.

Y de repente, es de día. La niebla se ha ido, fugaz entre los bosques de ladrillo, llevándose consigo su fina capa de franela. Los primeros rayos de sol se asoman, traviesos, a través de las esquinas, deslizando sus pies desnudos y mugrientos sobre el asfalto.

Me giro para mirarte, una vez más, y descubro que tu caricia se ha disipado con esta noche blanca. Que tú ya no eres tú, que eres otra, quizás parte de éste sueño. Quizás una epifanía inacabada. Quizás, tan sólo, mi día solitario y mi noche de nieblas disipadas. O una leve caricia apenas ya reconocible que murió estrangulada en el olvido.

Lentamente, la mañana se despereza y las formas vuelven a su finitud.Todo se vuelve certeza, menos estas palabras y mis pasos solitarios, que se han perdido en algún lugar entre la niebla."

--by melancholyboy

From Tom Robbins

2007-05-30T05:07:00.001-07:00

Who knows how to make love stay?

1. Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.

2. Tell love you want a memento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.

3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.

The beat is yours forever!

2007-05-23T02:09:00.000-07:00

Remember everything that I told you
And I'm telling you again that it's true
When you're alone and afraid, and you're completley amazed
To find there's nothing anybody can do
Keep on believing, and you'll discover baby
There's always something magic, there's always something new
And when you really, really need it the most that's when rock'n'roll dreams come true
The beat is yours forever, the beat is always true
And when you really, really need it the most
That's when rock'n'roll dreams come true... for you

Touch of a dream from another life

2007-05-22T01:32:00.000-07:00

...je me souviens des marées hautes
du soleil et du bonheur qui passaient sur la mer
il y a une éternité, un siècle, il y a un an...

And I tried so hard to be evil...

2007-05-11T03:26:00.000-07:00

How evil are you?

2007-05-04T03:49:00.000-07:00

"There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare

Thanks to EgoDialogues

2007-05-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

" Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar not called a racist?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why do you drive on a parkway but park on a driveway?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
And if there is one goose and 2 geese, why isn't there one moose, 2 meese?Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?"

And so the story goes on...

2007-05-02T03:12:00.000-07:00

After his attempt of going back to the world he was once born into, the Absurd Creature found himself on the corner of a univers, without any idea what to do. So, he thought to himself he'd go back to the NonExistent Creature, which he could find in any universe possible and impossible.

All of the sudden, with the heart full of joy and still dreaming in vivid colors, the little absurd creature jumped from that corner and he flew with the speed of thought straight to the world of the NonExistent one.

And there he was, still laying in the shadow of the giant mushroom and the same sun was blinking bored in the sky. But...there was something weird, he couldn't really know what it was.

When he came closer, he realized that the NonExistent one was transforming into something...something else. He couldn't grasp what's going on ...Slowly, after a very long time, he saw it more clearly. The Absurd one was shocked to see that transmutation, to see that what he was looking at, was no longer the NonExistent one, he wasn't anymore the one that you could meet in every universe...Puzzled, lost, hurt, he came closer, one more step, till the other creature turned his head to him. What a terrible moment! Two blank eyes were staring back at the Absurd Creature, with no trace of memory, wide open and curious to see who he was.

"Who are you?", he finally asked, after a long pause, when he understood that the visitor wasn't going to speak any time soon.

"You...you don't...recognize me...anymore ?!?", asked the Absurd One with a trembling voice. Tears were filling up his eyes and he kept on pushing them away, like they'd be some annyoing insects, but they kept on reappearing as if they had a will of their own.

"Don't know. Should I?"

How could he explain? It was pointless, it was the one road where there is no choice and you can't even look back, because you won't be able to move anymore. It felt as if somebody took the heart out of his chest, as if all emotions in the worlds died at once...in fact, his feelings were burning out, like a dangeruos fire that had to be extinguished, till there's no more but ashes. All the flow of memories came running through his head, how was he to understand that it didn't matter who you are or what you are, life was treating you the way it felt like...because you know what?...you have no powers over the rules of the game. But life does. All he understood was that you have to be loyal just to be betrayed, you have to trust just to be humiliated, you have to be kind just to know the pain of the broken heart? The Absurdity of All This! He knew he can't dream now anymore, no more vivid dreams of happiness. Not ever again.

"Excuse me?? I insist. Who are you?", asked again the Changing NonExistent.

"Hi! My name is ... um... Nevermind. Uh, I was just passing by and since I heard many things about you, wanted to come down and meet you! Am very pleased to meet you!" And the Absurd Creature tried to fake a smile when saying this, while the NonExistent was shaking his hand vigorously and grinning back.

And for a second, he though he saw in his eyes a spark of a long lost memory. But he looked again at the NonExistent, to see that the transformation was close to completion. Too close...

Lost and not found

2007-04-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

There was just the darkness and the silence. Nothing more. And then he woke up to look around...the world was gone, there was nobody left. And nothing could compare with his feeling of loneliness. He couldn't quite grasp it. "Is the world...dead?! What happend ?! Why?!"
The words were coming out of his mouth but there was no sound to them. Just the silence that he would not want to understand or accept.
"Could it be...that the world...died?! Oh, my God! MY GODS! Where were YOU ?I've been sleeping for so long and all those dreams of beauty and fantasy, I've been swinging for so long from world to world of glowing colors, beautiful delight, guilty love and passion crimes and it seemed and endless dance of light..."
He looked around again to see the same reality.
No more dancing worlds of fantastic beauty.
"Where am I?"

He was just the same absurd creature that fell asleep between two worlds.

Bored? Yeah!

2007-04-04T04:45:00.001-07:00

The loss

2007-03-29T04:58:00.000-07:00

And there he was, standing in front of the same merciless audience, trying to find the words that would melt the painful silence and get the weight off his chest, put an end to a dream to start another.
"You! Yes, you!Is that all you can do? Be lost in your thoughts, battling them every day in a different way and think that is the right choice? Open your eyes, there's so much more for you to learn. Stop the time and you'll know what you are. Stop the regrets and you'll know what you can become. But do not stop dreaming."
"Hey, you! You, over there! You think that you're the only one dealing with your demons, waking up in a different world every day? So, are we! But we've learned the ways. And you'd better do the same before it's too late."
"And you? Is that what you really think, that we are always alone and that we were meant to be like that? Not for a clean heart. Speak ! One can only deal with the things he knows."

"Ah, and you, nice trick! New day, new eyes, new world! Hilarious...the way you think you'll be always right and when you run out of reasons... easy, new eyes, new world. Oh, if you would only know how much it hurts. And it hurts you in the end. Your way or no way, but your way changes all the time."

No answers. No replies. The same awful silence.
Just the accusing eyes of the audience."We are all you! You are your own judge and forgiver!"
Everything fell in darkness and he looked around. He was alone! There was no audience! There never was any...

where from and where to

2007-03-28T03:34:00.000-07:00

Shiva and Shakti are the basics of the entire Tantra philosophy. In essence Shiva and Shakti are undifferentiated unity. They can never be separated; one cannot exist without the other. We look at them as being two separated concepts, but that is due to the limitations of our understanding, and our language. We have to invent names and concepts in order to have some understanding of what lies beyond our understanding.

Everything that exists can be reduced to two concepts: consciousness and manifestations. Manifestations are dependant on consciousness. In tantra, consciousness is called Shiva, and manifestation, which is also seen as power, is called Shakti.

Lost and found

2007-03-22T09:17:00.001-07:00

Love by Pablo Neruda

Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects.

Namaste

2007-03-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides,
I honor the place in you of love, of light, of truth, of peace.
I honor the place within you where if you are in that place in you
and I am in that place in me,
there is only one of us.

Barcelona

2007-03-13T02:19:00.001-07:00

Barcelona

How about that, huh?

2007-03-01T08:27:00.000-08:00


Néo (Matrix) : 77%
Indiana Jones : 75%
Jim Levenstein (American Pie) : 75%
Hannibal Lecter : 75%
James Bond : 74%
Batman / Bruce Wayne : 74%
Maximus (Gladiator) : 73%
Eric Draven (The Crow) : 72%
Tony Montana (Scarface) : 72%
Forrest Gump : 67%
Yoda (Star Wars) : 66%
Schrek : 62%

Quel héros de film es-tu ?

My Visual DNA

2007-02-28T04:19:00.001-08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

I like...

2007-02-27T07:32:00.000-08:00

2007-02-15T03:51:00.001-08:00

Which level of hell do you deserve?

2007-02-15T03:26:00.000-08:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Words and NonWords

2007-02-14T00:09:00.000-08:00

And the day after...

2007-02-09T06:45:00.000-08:00

After trying to cross the bridge of Eternal Emotions and left half of his soul there, the Absurd Creature took off and flew and flew as much, as far and as high as he could, trying to dicover a new world and weeping softly "What a terrible price to pay....". But this part of his journey came to an end, because he was supposed to live with the ones he already discovered and sink into them.
All alone, tired and with tears floating around his little perfectly rounded shaped head, the Absurd Creature was resting on one corner of a greenish universe, thinking what to do next, thinking of all that happend.
He remembered all of a sudden the realities and worlds he's been into, all the creatures he meat, all the friends he once had. It gave him such a fuzzy feeling knowing that he broke some records by travelling so fast from one world to the other. He still needed to learn how to master the Switch though...It even took him a long time to find the Switch, because he was always looking for it outside of his head. How silly is that?
He remembered that he was born in a world that was so small, usually dark, but in a very pleasant way and it always smelling like some goodies, that he couldn't really describe. Or did they even have a smell? Or maybe taste? Color?...No idea...The exact location of this world was now pretty much unknown, but the memories linked to it were still fresh like a daisy. Some day, even this link will turn colors and he will start doubting the sheer existence of this world.
He crossed then a world with very strange creatures, that did not know electricity at all, another one, with people that didn't know what's a sky. There he kept on wondering all the time "How can you live without a sky?!" Once he meat this creature that could remember all the music ever played in his universe, a huge walking music repository. And what a shame that no one had the patience to listen to all his records, except for the Absurd one, who spent there countless light-and-thunder-years. Or how about this other creature with gorgeous wings of fire that was trying to protect the earth, but instead he was burning it. The Absurd one had a short conversion with him, but the heat drove him away soon enough.
And of course, the NonExistent Creature, who he'd meet in every universe and every time it was such a happy thing to happen!

But what now? Where to go and what to do? Which world to pick?

Tell me something

2007-01-30T05:53:00.001-08:00

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me

"I'm a Golden God" or Reality is God's Dream

2007-01-29T04:28:00.000-08:00

Practially every one of the top 40 records being played on every radio station in the United States is a communication to the children to take a trip, to cop out, to groove. The psychedelic jackets on the record albums have their own hidden symbols and messages as well as the lyrics to all the top rock songs and they all sing the same refrain: It's fun to take a trip, put acid in your veins.
"This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. If you take the blue pill, the story ends, and you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. If you take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show how deep the rabbit-hole goes."
"Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream - how would you know the difference between the dreamworld and the real world?"
"When I dance, I let myself to take me to a journey - the unconscious journey to reality."
"The last thing I remember is being in a really small place. I was flying or floating in warm liquid. I couldn't see anything, but I was sensing things. There was no pain, there were no feelings. So I guess that, in a way, I was happy."
"And the view of the Earth, that was the only, the only place of the whole universe that had any color - everything else was black and white."
"We have determined that the human form is best suited to our purposes."
"Converging on the hive from deep space."
"Enlightened Evolution."
"We have now taken first steps to bio-genetically transforming all of our hybernating population into humanoids."
"I am one million kilometers from the star's corona. I shall reach it in aproximately three minutes. I am actually flying INTO a star. This is incredible!"
"He was involved in narcotics and drug activities, he was known to carry handguns, he was known to carry large amounts of cash. And he has some underworld failures, aah... and there was many number of things that could possibly happen to him."
"You're all in need of intensive psychedelic care."
"You live on controlled hallucination."

My love

2007-01-26T02:22:00.000-08:00

WHY...?... MY DECAYING GOD...!!!

Alcohoroscope

2007-01-25T09:08:00.000-08:00

Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool--though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything--especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

:) What's your drinking sign?

Hello Me, meet the real Me!

2007-01-24T02:35:00.000-08:00

And that's how it goes: ex nihilo!

How long has it been...

2007-01-22T08:19:00.000-08:00

...since I came to know this pain? I can't really remember...My whole being goes numb with such pain and after a while I stop feeling it and the shadow of a smile appears in the corner of an eye. That's when it starts again to hurt...to see that the universe has already decided, that you're just a pawn in someone's cruel game, someone that can't take his own feelings. And all I could give was love for life.
Spoken words are played over and over again like a broken record meant to drive you insane...thought you were different but there is no other choice, my sweetest friend...
But more than those, it hurts to see your choice of silence...Is it because I'll see how things really are? That reality does not exist! The fundamental difference in beliefs.
How many times do I have to cry out loud NO... Will you ever know that?

...I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything...

There's still something wrong...

2007-01-18T04:42:00.000-08:00

...with the world, in this place, but don't want to think of that. I won't let the world get to me. Not today!
Remembered some of the funniest things that happend lately...

On the flight to India, one guy sitting next to me is trying to strike some kind of a conversation, but unfortunately or fortunately I couldn't understand most of what he was saying, because he had a weird ass accent. Completely out of the blue he says: "Did you have Indian male?"...puzzled look on my face and thinking "Wtf?!?"...I turn my head and look the other direction and try to ignore the questions. 2 seconds later he taps me on the shoulder: "Did you have Indian male?"...I look around and I see the crew bringing in the food...That's when I realised he meant "meal"....

The flat where I was staying, had no lock on the main door. So someone always had to be the sacrificial lamb. One day it was Ajay's turn to sit at home. After many hours, he was dying of thirst and hunger and nobody was showing up (which by the way, is highly unusual)...He had no cellphone because he sold it for coke, so he contacted online a friend in another city, 2000 km away, to call one of his friends to come drop him some food and water. I love internet!

When I came back to the office, I found a small present glued on my monitor. It was one of the Dilbert comics, showing a dog waving a broomstick and saying "Out, out, you demons of stupidity!"...and below "Happy New Year!"...and my colleague was explaining: "That's exactly what you say...I though you must have it"...Thank you, I'm touched!

I'll be back with some more crap...So long!

Something's wrong with the world today

2007-01-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

And I know what it is...
Coming back to Germany was the true cultural shock...Europe, all of the sudden seems little, sad and tasteless. For a moment, just right after landing, I was fooled by the warm weather and the bright, sunny day and was actually wondering 'Is this Germany?'...By evening, a cold, powerful wind brought loads of rain and a very clear answer for my question: 'Yeap, this is Germany, alright! No doubt about it!'
For some reason that I can't explain, India gave me such much of positive energy...can't really describe the feeling...which I know will fade with time.
Here are some pictures of the best trip ever:

The Blue Planet

Long way from home...

Living on the edge

Tiny bit of India's most powerful temple: Srisailum

Birla Mandir, the marble temple of Hyderabad and this is god Venkatesh

Charminar, Hyderabad. The most crowded place on the face of the Earth

More to come...http://picasaweb.google.com/andrinha

Cause I am as free as a bird now

2007-01-03T15:10:00.000-08:00

If I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me?

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!

2007-01-03T04:22:00.000-08:00

And there goes my 2nd post from the mystical land of India.
Having to define India in one sentence only is mission impossible. And no matter what anyone would say about it, there will be trillions of other points of view which would be equally right and correct.
As far as I'm concerned, it's been home for me so far. In all its diversity and display of realities, one can always choose what to see and there's a flavour for everyone. Somebody was just asking me today what I like/dislike most about India...*puzzled*...There's nothing I can say, compressed in a word or a sentence.
But for sure, I haven't seen so far such an open attitude towards new and the mix of tradition with modern technology is just brilliant. Nor have I seen such good and friendly services :)) Everywhere you go there's someone to open the door for you, to pull the seat for you, to help you try the shoes, to bring you the papers and the coffee in the morning, to put the food in your plate and fill up your glass, a driver at your services...in other words, to spoil you at maximum. And that's definetely not because I'm a foreigner here (I could pass for a north Indian, if it wasn't for the way I'm still looking in the wrong direction while crossing the street:))...or maybe just a little ;)
This city is so fast growing, it's incredible and it is still considered one of the chill out cities in India. As an example for that stands the Hitec city...a true cyber city, where you'd be amazed to see newer and fancier buildings popping up like mushrooms after rain. If Europe is tired and reached the point of absolute comfort and fear of trying anything else, India is the complete opposite. Fast growing, dynamic, keeps your mind at high speed all the time.
Next time, I'll put up some photos...I finally had the time to take some...The few temples I've seen are such a historical proof of where we're coming from...amazing to see such undoubtful evidence and makes you wonder what else do you want to know?

Wish you all a twisted, cheerful 2007 !!!

5 days on Mars

2006-12-25T12:32:00.000-08:00

That's how it feels after 5 days in Hyderabad, India...! Completely different world that I completely enjoy...
There's no word that can describe it all, there's not one word. It's either everything or nothing! You just have to let yourself go with the flow and let go of all you know. This is such a basic way of living, with all the luxury included, such an efficient way....that it makes you wonder why do we actually complicate our lives so much?
Though this all started in the most unpredictable way and I came all by myself here, that was just the beginning of a wonderful ride! And despite all the warnings about traffic, crowd, heat and food, I must say I've never been better. And that's for one reason only: absolute freedom!! Hard to describe this kind of a freedom, when you have no past, no strings attached, sink into the flow and live on.
From another perspective, this is where the whole world is happening right now! It's like being on the top of the wave and the shores are far off from site! There's nothing that you can think of that you would not get here...

Right now, I'm staying with friends in an apartament that has no lock on the main door, where people keep on pouring in and out,took me two full days to figure out who all is living here, cars and bikes are common property and all is constant change. "Trainspotting" unfolding in front of your eyes! :))
All the noises around and the liveliness is just music for the ears. The legendary traffic is indeed something out of this world, where signs and lane dividers serve only for esthetic purposes. The basic rule of moving around is the eye contact followed by honking...which can mean anything from Get the hell out of my way to Thank you!

Anyways, there's much more to tell.. but for now, this post is going to be signed off with my immense gratitude towards the year that is slowly walking out the door! I truly enjoyed this journey with all the ups and downs and keep on looking forward to the next one!

Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!!

Im memoriam

2006-12-19T05:29:00.000-08:00

..for my friend, that passed away yesterday into another realm beyond my reach...
Bye, bye, its been a sweet love. See you on the other side!

I can't remember anything
can't tell if this is true or dream
deep down inside I feel to scream
this terrible silence stops me

now that the war is through with me
I'm waking up, I cannot see
that there's not much left of me
nothing is real but pain now

hold my breath as I wish for death
oh please God, wake me

back in the womb it's much too real
in pumps life that I must feel
but can't look forward to reveal
look to the time when I'll live

fed through the tube that sticks in me
just like a wartime novelty
tied to machines that make me be
cut this life off from me

hold my breath as I wish for death
oh please God, wake me

now the world is gone I'm just one
oh God, help me hold my breath as I wish for death

darkness imprisoning me
all that I see
absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
trapped in myself
body my holding cell

landmine has taken my sight
taken my speech
taken my hearing
taken my arms
taken my legs
taken my soul
left me with life in hell (ONE-Metallica)

The constant change

2006-12-18T05:34:00.000-08:00

- Picture taken from the train, on the way home two years ago -

All this thinking about what lies ahead and what the universe has in store for me and where this life is leading...took me to the a conclusion I knew, but somehow overlooked. In the end of it all, there is no right and wrong! Whatever I might think now it might be the right thing to do, could be in the end really bad for someone else. And the other way around works too.. How many times did we curse a certain course of events to realise afterwards it couldn't have any better? ...The universe has its own way of balancing out the equations.
And that's how the dilemma is solved. For the question which is the right decision to take...there just is no right or wrong.
It's all about the same duality you have in everything we know so far, cause and effect, plus and minus, past and future, positive and negative, constant and change.
It is the halfs that always make one!

The dilemma

2006-12-14T03:01:00.000-08:00

Very often I've admired the ones who go for exactly what they want in life, regardless of the lack of comfort. The ones who know themselves well enough to see what they're made for and go for that, taking life by the horns or enjoying the ride, no matter how cruel the universe seems to them...But most of these are not foreseen.
I strongly believe that comfort makes you numb and stupid, that most of the times extreme pain causes beauty in spirit, that extreme situations make you evolve.
But if you see and know already that the ocean in front of you is trouble, the waters are dark and have no idea how deep they run, would you still swim into it?
On the other side is another you that you want to reach, if you make it through the journey. You might drown, you might find another strength, you might immerse into another world...but there's a faint possibility to reach that shore, the other you.
What would you do?

To the Universe

2006-12-12T07:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's some attitude with altitude! Because heights don't make me dizzy anymore and the abyss can't scare me anymore. I am the abyss! You think that's too much? I don't. What would you know? Me daring to have a counter opinion...
Nothing is as it seems, it's always much more simple than that. I'm very greatful for being one!
Still don't know which part is entirely mine and which is the original. But, to make it simple: no separation! One and THE one is in the end just ground zero.
And worry not. If I fly too high, I'll make sure I won't hurt the sky!

I don't believe I was cursed by being born in a human form (though once in a while it's difficult to be in my container, but that's another story). Neither do I believe that humans are the most special ones in the universe.
And I do have a blind faith and love for life, which I can't really explain. It doesn't mean either that it was all honey and milk. Had its own bad flavours. But I guess that's the only true way to appreciate it in the end. No, I don't guess. Now, I know.
There was a loss in our birth, as in we forgot who we were in order to to be able to take this journey, called life. We forgot the reason why or maybe we never knew it. Have we always known each other or there is a power of new creation in the universe? Have we known the rules for this game before or we weren't designed to have emotions? ....The very miracle of our existence ;):)
In the end, I believe in consciousness as well :)

I've changed the rules and hope you won't mind!

Currently listening to: ...silence...

That's exactly it...

2006-12-04T00:58:00.000-08:00

Currently listening to Alphawezen - Speed of Light

Touch me, I am losing shape
Look, I am invisible, can you say my name?

Is there a perfect sky that we came from?
We`ll be like stars forever shining on

Catch me, I am almost there
How can I be near, I am high-speed, I am
everywhere

I couldn`t catch your smile
You were blinded by another sight
I couldn`t say good-bye
You were travelling at the speed of light

You and me, we never crossed the boundary
that`s how I know you - I can hear you say
You and me, we never unveil mysteries
Once we were shining - we never tried again

You and me, we never crossed the boundary
that`s how I know you - I can hear you say
You and me, always drowning separately
When I try to reach you - you are miles away

Touch me, I am losing shape
Look, I am invisible, can you say my name

Is there a perfect sky that we came from?
We`ll be like stars forever shining on

Catch me, I am almost there
How can I be near, I am high-speed, I am
everywhere

You couldn`t read my mind
How I wanted you to hold me tight
I couldn`t save that night
It was passing by at the speed of light

You and me, we never crossed the boundary
that`s how I know you - I can hear you say
You and me, we never unveil mysteries
Once we were shining - we never tried again

We are flesh and we are free
We are driftwood in the sea
From the distance we are stars
Like there is a face on Mars

We are lost and we are one
We are neighbours to the sun
Slowly drifting out of sight
Travelling at the speed of light

What a colourful piece of crap...

2006-11-28T07:56:00.000-08:00

Benevolent Creator

Random thoughts...

2006-11-28T03:15:00.000-08:00

When one hope is lost, it becomes a painful loss...meaning that the memory that contained that hope it's just an empty shell and that's precisely what it hurts: the sheer thought that once you had that hope, a thought that keeps flickering until the loss becomes a lack...Under the blur of time, even the memory fades and the container of the hope, the last trace of its existence, is erased. And one circle is complete, all the way from nothing...to nothing.

Leave the guard down and life will merciless cut through flash ...!
And that’s the difference between loss and lack!

Stars are twisting and the universe takes a turn I don’t think I like...But thank you for all you had! Down time started, give it all!

There’s this record I keep playing in my head. It’s a funny one, there’s no sound that comes out...but there’s something that absorbs the music from your soul. I fear the day there’ll be no sound left.

Come, don’t be afraid, my absurd one. It’s just the empty space between your code and mine. There was an art of happiness, true, but you are beyond that now. Ignorance was bliss! This is now the art of dying!

Mayhem

2006-11-24T02:13:00.000-08:00

Nothing is more painful than when a hope dies out... And the vision of the graveyard is just frightening enough to haunt you in the depths of your mind.

Today, I've lost the hope that purity can exist untouched in this world!
I've lost the hope that humans could create something without examples!
I've lost the hope that at least something in this world as we know it could be unlimited!
I've lost the hope that I would stop storing the most painful memories or at least that time will fade those away!
I've lost the hope that I could ever understand why!

Is this freedom? ...And the graveyard is full of beautiful dreams!

You think you know me?

2006-11-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

I came from darkness onto the other side...
I only had dreams of pain and desire of the light
"Break free with me, stand up and fight"

So bright and burning from within
The light was defeating my realm.
Dreams and reality became the same
Till ashes would come to back to life
Again and again...

I closed my eyes and darkness brought the peace
But once The Circle is complete
Light and darkness will be gone.
Back to nothing, where we belong.

And back :)

2006-11-16T06:26:00.000-08:00

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Back to stay for a while, till the gods decided again to clean up the heavens and throw loads of work to the petty unworthy subhuman corporate junkies.

Love me when I least deserve it, that's when I need it the most.

2006-10-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

Part of Discovery Journey

2006-10-18T06:07:00.000-07:00

"While we may believe
our world - our reality
to be that is - is but one
manifestation of the essence
Other planes lie beyond the reach
of normal sense and common roads
But they are no less real
than what we see or touch or feel
Denied by the blind church
'cause these are not the words of God
- the same God that burnt the knowing"
Burzum-Lost Wisdom (1991)

The New Dimension of Dreams

2006-10-15T05:37:00.000-07:00

The crystal clear, blue sky of that day was full of kites, a marvelous explosion of colors and shapes floating above The Fantastic City. It was again that time of the year, when the citizens of the Fantastic City were given the chance to see the miracle and win a special award... as long as they could find it: among all those kites, there would be one that would fly by itself, no strings and no wings...Everbody in the town, putting on their best and most cherished costumes, would come out on this day and all eyes would survey the sky till dusk.
All of the sudden, a young boy is pushing his way through the crowd and screams from the top of its lungs: "The Chant! The Chant is here!"...
All eyes focus then in the direction pointed by the boy and the crowd lets out a deep gasp...Indeed, there was the Chant, the miraculous kite, with no strings and no wings, flying smoothly among all the other kites..It has the shape of a human head, with dark purple skin, gloomy white hair and an imprinted expression of eternal calm.
But there's one more trick to get the special prize, you'd have to be able to follow The Chant to its palace, of which no one alive knows its location.
From the entire crowd, only one woman is able to follow it all the way...all the way till a huge, very tall and very dense oak. That's where The Chant disappeares, among its branches. She's trying to see how tall the oak is, but the top of it is hidden high above in the clouds, far away from any human.
She looks again and goes around the oak, but just when she was about to give up and go back to The Fantastic City, a swing made of fine leaves and young twings, made it's way down, inviting her for a ride...Reluctantly, she steps on it and the moment she put her other foot on the swing, it rapidly starts to go higher and higher to the top of oak, which is still impossible to see...
...And this is how my dream ended...hope I'll see soon the next episode...

Ergo Sum?

2006-09-28T05:20:00.000-07:00

For all of those who were wondering what's in my head, Here it is the answer: two clear MRIs, thanks to my dear GMS friend :)))))

Better leave than be left behind

2006-09-26T02:27:00.000-07:00

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
Hot wind burns me
Burning as I fall
Cast away
For I must be travelling on, now,
There's too many places I haven't seen
And if I stayed here with you, now
Things just wouldn't be the same
Now guide us, by thy hand,
Show us ways unknown by mortals
Enlist thy sight, Enlist thy will,
Free us of the undevine
Release the ways, that blind our minds.
Well I'm as free as a bird now,
And a bird you can not change.
And a bird you can not change.
And a bird you can not change.
Lord knows I can't change
The path of Blind Faith. The path of Idolatry.
Hope of life
Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
And though this feeling I can't change.
Please don't take it badly,
The Lord knows I'm to blame.
Raise this being to Life
Become the same as a God
Raise this being to Life
Become one with the Gods
And, if I stayed here with you now
Things just wouldn't be the same.
For I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And the bird you can not change.
And the bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Gliding on mist
Hardly a sound
Bring the kiss
Evils abound
In the dead of night
Love bites
Love bites
In the dead of night
Love bites
Lord help me, I can't change
Fire, walk with me!

Mission impossible X

2006-09-25T03:43:00.000-07:00

And that's how another succesfull Sunday passed by...

The story of the star dust bananas

2006-09-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

Somewhere, floating between the 4th and the 8,5 dimension, there was a huge three-layered violet jungle. And in this jungle, there was a little monkey, with beautiful big brown eyes that was working in Jungle Traffic Control Tower.
You might wonder how come that a monkey was controlling the traffic...well, nobody actually knew it was a monkey, because it was always wearing a tiger's skin, carefully wrapped around. Controlling the traffic actually meant to roam all around the jungle's space and cry out loud the rules to be followed and the wishes to be granted and that's why it was a tiger job. It took some time for the monkey to learn to roar and growl like a real tiger. Sometimes it was working, other times the other jungle inhabitants were completely puzzled by the squeaking monkey sounds coming from The Traffic Tiger...A forest of question marks would instantly rise above their heads whenever these little sounds would come through, but the solar wind would very soon chase aways the question marks.
There were some other strange facts that everybody would notice, like the fact that the Tiger would thoroughly enjoy eating the star dust bananas....Quite unusual thing for a Tiger to climb the trees and jump from cosmic branch to cosmic branch, throw laser twigs at the passing lions, jump on the head of a giraffe, knocking its head and asking "Anyone home?" or always thinking of playing pranks on the other inhabitants that seemed to have a too peacefull life... All these never passed unobserved, but...it was The Traffic Tiger, designated be the all-mighty Traffic Control Tower, following the general common sense assumption that they know what they're doing...
If they only knew how they opened the door to disturbing times of converting vegetarians!

"We had joy, we had fun,
We had seasons in the sun"

Veni Vidi Vici

2006-09-21T02:35:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt the future is the past, but you dont know how...?
A reflected dream of a captured time, is it really now, is it really happening?

Dont know why I feel this way, have I dreamt this time, this place?
Something vivid comes again into my mind
And I think Ive seen your face, seen this room, been in this place
Something vivid comes again into my mind

All my hopes and expectations, looking for an explanation
Have I found my destination? I just cant take no more

The dream is true, the dream is true
The dream is true, the dream is true

Think Ive heard your voice before, think Ive said these words before
Something makes me feel I just might lose my mind
Am I still inside my dream? is this a new reality
Something makes me feel that I have lost my mind

All my hopes and expectations, looking for an explanation
Coming to the realization that I cant see for sure

I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause Im alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself
I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause Im alive
I only dream in black and white, please save me from myself

The dream is true, the dream is true
The dream is true, the dream is true

I get up put on the light, dreading the oncoming night
Scared to fall asleep and dream the dream again
Nothing that I contemplate, nothing that I can compare
To letting loose the demons deep inside my head

Dread to think what might be stirring, that my dream is reoccurring
Got to keep away from drifting, saving me from myself

I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause Im alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself
I only dream in black and white, I only dream cause Im alive
I only dream in black and white, to save me from myself

Lost in a dream of mirrors, lost in a paradox
Lost and time is spinning, lost a nightmare I retrace
Lost a hell that I revisit, lost another time and place
Lost a parallel existence, lost a nightmare I retrace

The Decaying Gods

2006-09-20T02:17:00.000-07:00

Through its tears, the entire landscape changes...The absurd creature is trapped on the bridge of immortal pain and rivers of tears go down its face, dancing around its neck and joining the millions of other tears below its feet. And all of the sudden a very loud noise fills up the non-air around. It's extremly loud and it keeps increasing and increasing...It sounds as if all heavens and hells broke in all the surrounding worlds, clash of skies and falling angels, swirling cries and deafening silence.
But through the mirror of its eyes, the absurd one sees that it is actually a huge crowd of gods who came to bathe in the river of emotions. There are golden gods and silver ones, pink gods, white gods, brown gods, black gods, tasty gods and aromatic ones, wingless or crowned ones, resembling all sorts of creatures, shapes and colors that were ever imagined in the universe.
They are nothing but mortals sanctified as gods by other mortals, invested with supreme belief and blind faith, exiled from the world by infinite purity, glorified and raised above the heavens.
But the absurd creature could not believe its eyes of what was happening. As soon as they would go into the flow of the river, they'd become flash, mortal rotten flash, caught in the filthy spirals of humanoid desires, drawning the sanctity of so many tens, so many illusions destroyed and so many dreams dissembled...they were the Decaying Gods...mayhem...freedom...loss of all hopes!
The sight of all this was too much to bear for the absurd one.So much pain and sorrow that it knew it had to escape of the trapping bridge and fly away. Even with the price of half its soul. With a last struggle, the absurd one became a crippled soul, flying off to find some other worlds...
And there was no more choice of worlds!

The voyage

2006-09-19T01:11:00.000-07:00

The day's coming to and end and the end is coming to an end and then there's a new beginning coming to another end. Leaving the sun, the sunny and miss Tha behind, the absurd creature is trying to find its way back to the mortal's world. The sounds of a song are chasing it throughout the great grey sky, like a flock of happy dolphins, stinging his ears with flashing red and violet.

The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hold
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

Between the worlds there is the river of all human emotions that it has to cross and there's only one way to do that: the bridge of immortal pain. All it ever felt comes back in vivid colors, stronger and stronger, embracing, suffocating, poisoning and burning. So, the absurd one stops in the middle of the bridge, falling into the trap of immortal pain and knowing it can never go back completely to the world it should be into. The silence and the loneliness are crushing its sobbing chest.Crossing to the Forbidden Beyond has its own price and now it's time to pay the dues.
And the song comes back again:

Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

Leave, but don't leave me

2006-09-18T02:36:00.000-07:00

Somewhere on the edge of the universe, in a time-forgotten restaurant, where walls are made of liquid colors and music flows in waves, a song is played eternally.

Viniste a mi
Como poesia en la cancion
Mostrandome
Un nuevo mundo de pasion

Amandome
Sin egoismo y sin razon
Mas sin saber
Que era el amor
Yo protegi mi corazon

Two shadows are embraced in a forever sad tango. They keep on moving on the heart beats of the same torturing questioning of the life they used to have. They never really understood that some things are out of their time and space and there is no answer to the questions. They miss the human touch and it's been so long since they've been dancing that the memories have died out and all it's left is the dance and the shadows of their long gone souls, caught in an immortal circle.

El sol se fue
Y yo cantando tu cancion
La soledad
Se aduena de toda emocion

Perdoname
Si el miedo robo mi ilusion
Viniste a mi
No supe amar
Y solo queda esta cancion

It's all happening

2006-09-15T02:36:00.000-07:00

A sickening sun was blinking bored in the great grey sky. It was time for environmental engineers to prepare the setting for dusk. After a rapid deconstruction, the sun is gone and the sunny comes in, with its pale redish, orange face. This is the latest design to replace what used to be the sunset. Most say it's quite ok. But sunny can't be too long in the sky, because it's not yet stable.
After sunny, miss Tha comes in, walked in by the same super fast engineers. They are so fast you can hardly see them, they only leave the trace of their shadow. But they are working on that too. Miss Tha is the replacement for the moon, who ate too much of mint and became greenish and ice-cold. So, there she is walking on the pitch dark blue velvet which covered the previous grey sky.
Same time, down there, in the purified desert, one absurd creature is talking to a non-existent one, in the shadow of a giant mushroom.
"Who are you? Who am I? What is life?"
"I've told you before. Stop asking questions. I'm too ancient to remember all this. And besides, I don't understand why you keep on asking all this"
"Because I want to know..."
"It's not gonna help you. That I know for a fact. Stay there where you are and stop seeking for knowledge that you should not have. It's only gonna make your journey more difficult. You'll always be with one foot in that world and the other in this world. Lose balance and you have to start all over again"
"But why would such a thing happen?"
"See? This is exactly your problem. As long as you don't know something, you'll be restless. Take my advice and let it go. Life is just a journey, not a destination. And this is exactly where you should live. Not here. And remember that the human body though it's a super intelligent machine, has its own limitations."
"It's hard to go back. It's even harder to forget"
"No one says forget it. But just try to stay there for now, where time and space are specially built for you, with all its threads and webs. Keep in mind: there is no good or bad, no right or wrong. It just is. So, take it like that!"
...silence fell...and the absurd creature took off. Half way, it stopped, looked back and said to the ancient non-existent one "I'm returning" and gone it was...
"You will return, like it or not. But go back to your time now..." said the absurd one, with a tired whisper.

---Beyond the PSR!

State of mind

2006-09-13T03:06:00.000-07:00

Old New Tune

2006-09-12T08:17:00.000-07:00

Don't think sorry's easily said
Don't cry, turn the tables instead
You've taken lots of chances before
But I ain't gonna give anymore
Don't ask me
That's how it goes
Cause part of me knows what you're thinkin'

Don't say words you're gonna regret
Don't let the fire rush to your head
I've heard the accusations before
And I ain't gonna take any more
Believe me
The sun in your eyes
Made some of the lies worth believing

I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
I can cheat you blind
And I don't need to see any more
To know that
I can read your mind, [looking at you] I can read your mind,[looking at you]i can read your mind [looking at you] i can read your mind

Don't leave false illusions behind
Don't cry, I ain't changing my mind
So find another fool like before
Cause I ain't gonna live anymore
Believing
Some of the lies
While all of the signs are deceiving
---APP

READY TO DIE

2006-09-07T08:13:00.000-07:00

Happiness to that extreme, that you know for a fact there'll be no greater one in this life!
That's why I'm ready to die...but happy to be alive!

Theme of the day: ...non-words...

Today's theme...

2006-09-04T04:00:00.000-07:00

"Breathe, breathe in the air.
Don't be afraid to care.
Leave but don't leave me.
Look around and choose your own ground.

Long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be.

Run, rabbit run.
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down it's time to dig another one.

For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race towards an early grave."

With great respect...

Nothing like this before

2006-09-04T03:42:00.000-07:00

Just when you think that life could have no more surprises, the universe works in its own unexplainable ways to prove you wrong...within days it can put you from extreme hapiness to extreme sadness. So much of it, that your little human shell cannot contain or handle... So much of it, that no words could explain and no words are necessary. It just is there! Something out of your reach, something you cannot change (Where does it come from?)...and if you try to change, it kills you! It's like a bullet in the brain: sometimes it's better to leave it there than to try to pull it out.
Farewell, for I no longer live in my body! Just crossed the point of no return...

Fears

2006-09-01T07:21:00.000-07:00

Life in general is a whole thread of fears, fear that you'll grow up and won't find anymore innocence and the feeling of genuine happiness, fear that you won't live enough to see your dreams becoming real, fear that if you see your dreams becoming real something will shatter down your glass world, fear that you won't make it to live up to the expectations of the ones you love, fear that you're bordering the freedom of the ones you love, fear that you will lose them one day...
And the sum of all is the fear of death, the same unavoidable ending for all of us...And if it's around the corner, are you ready for it or will you regret?

Supreme

2006-08-30T07:27:00.000-07:00

There's a Hindu story about Krishna multiplying himself so he can dance wildly and passionately with each of his beloved milkmaids. The dance goes on and on, but the instant one of the milkmaids thinks Krishna is dancing with her alone, he disappears...

Something new

2006-08-29T02:10:00.000-07:00

First time I ever tried paintballing. Sounded like a lot of fun so why not...? ..I thought before...
Bottom line: imagine this trashy, dirty, wet huge place with all sorts of obstacles and places to hide behind, mask on, anti-bullet vest, amo and attack!! Being the only girl there explains perhaps why I was aimed to a lot and why now I need a crane to get out of bed in the morning...All the running, crawling, sneaking and hiding made me very aware of muscles I even didn't know they existed. Not to mention the nice collection of bruises I have right now, all sizes, shapes & colors.
But nevertheless, nothing is more rewarding than an experience where all prime instincts are put in motion!
Victory!!!!!!!!!!
"...Blood dries up like rain..."

The best lyrics - today's theme

2006-08-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

"Now I'm here can you see me
'Cos I'm out on my own
When the room goes cold tell me you can feel me
..........'cos I'm here

Here I am, can you see me
Passing through, on my way
To a place I'd been to only in my dreams... before

In a world of delusion
Never turn your back on a friend
'Cause you can count your real true friends on one hand
..........through life

There are those that deceive you
There are those That'll let you down
Is there someone out there that would die for you
..........thought not

Live your life with a passion
Everything you do, do well
You only get out of life what you put in
..........so they say

In a world of confusion
People never say that what they mean
If you want a straight answer go look for one
..........right now

In a room full of strangers
Do you stand with your back to the wall
Do you sometimes feel like you're on the outside
..........looking in ?

You can make your own luck
You create your destiny
I believe you have the power if you want to
..........it's true

You can do what you want to
If you try a little bit harder
A little bit of faith goes a long way
..........it does

Are we here for a reason ?
I'd like to know just what you think
It would be nice to know what happened when we die
..........wouldn't it ?

There are some who are wise
There are some who are born naive
I believe that there are some that must have lived before
..........don't you ?

As for me, well I'm thinking
You gotta keep an open mind
But I hope that my life's not an open and shut case.

Extra Sensory Perception
Life After Death, telepathy
Can the soul live on and travel through space and time ?

You know I feel so clated
'Cause I'm about to find it out
And when I know all the answers
Maybe then I'll come back
..........to feel you in

You don't be alarmed now
If I try to contact you
If things go missing or get moved around ...it's me

And don't disbelieve it
No matter what your `friends' might say
We'll meet up again some place some way
..........one day."

Iron Maiden - The Apparition

Boredom or depression?

2006-08-22T03:32:00.000-07:00

Which one is which? I've come to think that at high levels there's actually no difference between these two. It's just the human necessity of putting everything in categories and hence eliminate the unknown of which we are so terribly afraid...
Reasons? Thousands...
For one thing, that people are careless, the more we immerse into life, the more indifferent we become towards the ones around us. Family & friends are no more than some concepts that are part of our world, but somehow we lost the emotions and feelings on the way. People laugh less, forget how it feels to surprise each other, forgot to play games (and I mean pure games and not cheesy, lame, psychological games),carelessly go on with "ordinary life", faces become more expresionless, ...Where are the small daily delights gone and why does everything has to spin so fast, leaving behind the joy? Life should be like an amusement park, you get excited, happy, you get scared too at times, but overall it feels good.
Whatever you might want to call this, it does have no excuse in the end, but it won't change either.
So, then, what is it? Boredom or depression?

Change of plans

2006-08-18T08:34:00.000-07:00

Looks like the Quad will have to wait...though I was so close to buying it this very week. 150 cc, max. speed 120, a quad with some modifications that I'm not very sure they were quite ok...But still...I almost had it :)
Problem is the damn driving licence. As much as I tried to avoid I still have to go do again the driving test. It was pointing out the blinding obvious the whole time, but I refused to accept that this is the only option.
So, stay off the roads, next week I'm driving! :(

Hall of Lame - August awards

2006-08-16T02:48:00.000-07:00

And this month, 1st place goes to the TV serie called "Weeds". Though a great, cool idea finally made its way up to the surface, after the 8th episode, apparently the producers didn't know what to do anymore with it and quite obvioulsy it turned into something that lame that you actually keep on watching it hoping that the director was suffering of temporary insanity and he'll recover.
And guess what? The budget was cut off for this serie. Wonder why.

2nd place goes to the amazing August weather in South Germany. To be accurate, this is November weather and just when you think it cannot get any worse, the weather does show you that it can. If you dare to complain about it, someone will always say:"Oh, this is much better. Two years ago I was wearing a winter jacket in July"...as if this is meant to bring you any comfort.

And last but not least, 3rd place goes to all the men that think you'll fall right in their arms after their few, but very lame attempts of getting your attention in any way.

Today

2006-08-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

Being round you is driving me crazy
Watching you run is making me lazy
You're trying to buy a place in my head
Telling me lines I've already read
Speaking my name to try to confuse me
Say it again you're starting to lose me

That's alright I'm okay
It happens every single day
It's all the same
But I'm not blind

It's all about you not me
It's all about the things
That you're expecting me to be
There's not enough time to live
And all that you're expecting me to give

It's all about you not me
It's all about you not me

You're building my prison brick by brick
Eating your words is making me sick
You get what you want
Cause nothing is sacred
You're reading my mind
And leaving me naked
You say I gotta give before I receive it
One of these days I'll believe it.

It's all about you not me
It's all about the things
That you're expecting me to be
There's not enough time to live
And all that you're expecting me to give

It's all about you not me
It's all about you not me

[Lyrics: John Petrucci & Desmond Child - Dream Theater]

feed the brain!

2006-08-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

http://www.y-origins.com

http://everything2.com/

http://www.erowid.org

http://www.howstuffworks.com

http://www.auralmoon.com

http://www.conclaveobscurum.ru/

Any suggestions? Please, feel free to post any.

Back to the Mothership...

2006-08-09T02:20:00.000-07:00

Seems like an eternity since the weekend is gone and another eternity till the next one (doesn't it sound pathetic to live for the weekends...?)
Couldn't help not to think back at A'dam though...this city is actually every doper's dream, go and live there, eternally happy & high. And that reminded me of the fact that when we got there at night, we were just wondering the streets, in a particular area, full of pubs, bars, clubs and coffee shops. As you walk down there, you'd here whispers from the sides like "coca..coca..coca.." And even so, there was this girl, living exactly in that area..she just came righ out of the house, walking her little cotton white, puffy poodle, among all these drunk, high people, as if she was in the middle of a green, peacefull forest.
Respect for that!
How can anyone lead such a normal life in a dreamy place like A'dam? That's why I say that the best things in life are the ones that you mostly miss than have.
And now, switch back to the Alien Mood and work, work, work...

A-maze-ing!!!

2006-08-07T03:27:00.000-07:00

And this is how the story goes: 4 people in one car (that later became the spaceship), 3 sleeping bags (out of which one was broken), a stinky tent, a 6 hours drive through rain, a cold, cold night and a huge stroke of good luck.
A'dam is always the place to return to, always alive and in perpetual motion. Every time you go there, it has a new story for you, a new riddle to solve, a new way to see the life and beyond...

Reality lies in the eyes of the beholder!

Amsterdam...

2006-08-04T04:33:00.000-07:00

...I'm coming home!

We are in space

2006-08-04T04:04:00.000-07:00

Though this was a personal weekend slogan, yesterday thousands of other people adhered to this idea, just yesterday. And that was because company's summer summit took place in Holiday Park (http://www.holidaypark.de)...So, quite literally Mothership took us in space...
There's one main thing for which this amusement park is worth big time and that is the GeForce roller-coaster, which takes you to a height of 62 meters (as a 20 floors building almost), turns you on a side at some 74 degrees angle and goes down in a 82 degrees angle, which basically means this: you see the cart going up and up and suddenly the tracks are gone and you have no idea where you go…(This was to quote a friend of mine)
And when you think that on top of all this, this harmless little roller-coaster is catching the speed of 120 km/h in only 3 seconds (making it the fastest in the world from this point of view), you can easily understand now the slogan “We are in space”
Funny is that none of these things are real joy unless you really lose control. So easy to say “let it go” and so hard to do. Most of us have the very false impression that we are in control of our lives and destinies. So, we wouldn’t try any of these crazy things because we like being in control and we like to know that we’re safe. We love our life exactly as it is.
So sad that we can’t even answer who are we and where do we come from, but we feel we’re in control…
There’s only one thing we can do: enjoy the ride!

WE ARE IN SPACE!!!

Funny mood

2006-08-02T05:19:00.000-07:00

Funny mood, strange day, awesome to be alive!
Must be some time loop in the middle...but yesterday evening when I went to bed, it was still August...this morning, when I woke up, it was October. Spooky weather,I'm telling you. From 30 degrees to 16 over night??
Or is it because of the yesterday's cocktail that lead to another and another one and suddenly, the cubicle farm seems a much better place and Mothership takes us back to where we belong.
It's hard to say goodbye, but home just doesn't change!

Funny mood

2006-08-02T04:38:00.000-07:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

What should it be?

2006-08-01T02:21:00.000-07:00

Help! Can't make up my mind...
This...

...or this?

Salary in, salary out

2006-07-31T07:48:00.000-07:00

Today's not even the first day of the new month...but still it's the day when your bank account fills up again...theoretically.
What happens in reality is today's entrance: salary and today's exit: the same salary. That's how I live! As far as I know (and I really don't know), life is just one, so you'd better enjoy it. If you're broke by the 10th of the month, so be it!
Sweet, oh, sweet life!
Grown-up life, among other things, means that the 1st of the month becomes the day you wait for, you start hating the Mondays, all of the sudden, you become an expert in paying taxes and eventually in avoiding that...and if you really, really want to fit perfectly the pattern, then you should know everything about fixing pipes and building houses, having kids and a nagging wife and where can you find the cheapest hotels in Italy or Greece.
Anything I left out?

"Money, its a crime.
Share it fairly but dont take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise its no surprise that they're
Giving none away."

I wish I was a printer

2006-07-28T03:40:00.000-07:00

Damn you, AC, for being environmental distructive!
Who would have ever imagined that in the middle of so called developed country, you'd actually suffer because of lack of air conditioner?!? Not me, for sure.
The aliens working on the Mothership decided sometime ago not to have ACs in the offices, because of the bad, bad influence on the environment! Very, very nice of you!
And considering how summers are in Germany (almost non-existent), this was quite a fair and admirable decision!
And what do you know? Look at that: 3 weeks in a row with daily temperature of 37-39 degrees and sunny! Oh, my God! The end of the world is near!
So, all of us now are boiling in offices, not to mention that the heat makes people act irrationally and forget to check themselves in the mirrors before coming to work (and let me tell you this much, people here have boring underwear, if at all). Or maybe you’d think ‘Ah, look an office with a fan and nobody working there’. So, you take the fan, happily put into yours and next day a senior vice president walks into your office to demand his fan back...Ups...!
What do you think of having no AC in the cinema hall? That was the best of all! There’s actually one good thing about it: you can bring your corn and have instant popcorn inside the cinema.
The only rooms here that have working (!!!) AC are the printer rooms!
I wish I was a printer...

This summer's Hot Spot: Full Moon Festival

2006-07-26T07:38:00.000-07:00

...the setting was absolutely fantastic

...it wasn't Woodstock, but Wittstock, in North Germany

...back to nature

...Fata Morgana

Homo Corporatus

2006-07-25T04:23:00.000-07:00

Most probably, we all have colleagues whose faces we put in the middle of the darts boards...for all the good reasons. I mean what would the working place be without them? Probably a booooooring, nice place, morons-free...Hold it, paradise is far away!
My favorite type however is the Corporate Village Idiot. He's that colleague who has a very wide variety of little annoying habits, engineered to cause mental diseases among the sane co-workers.The CVI would always be a complete disaster in being fashionable (the choice of colors is quite close to the variety of a psy trance banner, but very, very tasteless), would wear the same shoes for at least 4 years and for customer presentations would wear his lucky socks, with little bananas and apples on them (because somebody forgot to explain him the difference between a customer meeting and the village harvesting festival). The same guy would never miss any free party in the company and would usually have 3 to 7 little brats, in order to make sure that his genius genes will spread equally on all continents. The CVI would almost always have some food in the office, that he would not hesitate to enjoy (this means of course, a range of nervous noises that go beyond any limits of human imagination), while you have a conference call with an important customer or the board members of your company. Nevertheless, the CVI enjoys mostly spending his afternoon in very loud conversations over the phone, laughing almost hysterically at all the silly jokes and making sure that by the end you’re immune to plane crash noises.
And…this is how you spot aliens at work!!!!

Have a nice working week! :-)

Out of office reply

2006-07-21T00:56:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine wrote in his out of office reply something like: "I'm on holidays! If you really, really need me...then ok, write me on my private email adress and I'll see what I can do" :-)
Sometimes, people don't get what out of office/being on holidays mean. So, I guess that's the right way to stress it out.
Or you can simply use one of these:

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from my holidays. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

:)

Hello Me, meet the real Me!

2006-07-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

What started out yesterday with lots of skepticism and general negative attitude, turned out to be a life changing experience. And that would be the so called Adventure Park Kandel.(http://www.abenteuerpark-kandel.de/ - Don't be fooled by all the nice kiddies pix they have on the website..."They Tricks Us!" )
Thanks to the Mothership, there are yearly departament outgoings, which I usually find deadly boring.
But yesterday, we went to this adventure park, where you have all these routes in the trees, where you walk on swings or on a rope, slide down on a rope to the next tree, bike on a rope, climb a ledder, crawl in suspended tube and many, many other things of this sort...all happening at some 6 to 18 meters above the ground.
Besides the sheer excitement, mingled with fear and desire to go till the end, freedom of mind and sharpening the survivor's instincts, it was absolutely hilarious.
Imagine a quite big wood and wherever you look up in the trees, there's someone hanging out there (quite literally). A whole world up in the trees and all the people down on the streets seem to be rather imune to all the yelling, Tarzan screaming and flying people above their heads. Check out the Travelog...put up some pix there!

Access to 4th dimension: granted!So long and thanks for all the fish!

Valid for any Customer Info Line :-)

2006-07-17T05:08:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you’re obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you’re codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you’re paranoid, we know what you are and what you want. Stay on the line and we’ll trace your call.
If you’re delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother ship.
If you’re schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you’re depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you’ll press. No one will answer you.
If you’re dyslexic, press 69696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, press the hash key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep.
If you have a short term memory loss, please try your call again later.
And if you have no self esteem, hang out for all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Have a nice start of the week!

Fight the boredom!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

Let's face it: you can't pretend for 8 straight hours that you're working on something highly important that requires your entire and immediate attention. We all know these tricks...walking on the halls, carrying some files and look like in you're a big hurry (though you're going to grab the 10th cup of coffee), look very focused in your laptop (even though you're just reading the newspaper) etc etc..
But what do you do when you're really boooored out of your mind?
For one thing, you can either start writing a blog, like this...(After all, the humankind has no rival in the crap production)
Reading newspapers and all that is smoked stuff...Then, by noon you're also done with checking all your friends' blogs
What else? Check the daily fun websites, like:
www.break.com (Winner award)
www.youtube.com
www.guzer.com
www.darwinawards.com...to see the most stupid deaths in the world...
www.heardinnewyork.com...just to check what stupid things people say on the streets of New York..
Then, you're probably back to reading some news adn magazines...Download some music, some movies...
Anything I left out?...
And now, guys, back to work!

Corporate Work

2006-06-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

Looks kind of familiar, right? :)

New look, new style, new life, new me, new everything

2006-06-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

Summer of 2006

2006-03-28T07:08:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is the plan for this summer...though I don't know where will the universe take me...

There's:
Fullmoon Festival - Berlin- some of the names playing: Infected Mushroom, Astral Projection and the one and only Raja Ram
http://www.fullmoon-festival.com/control.htm

Summer Breeze - somewhere in Germany - some of the names: Moonspell, Fear Factory
http://www.summer-breeze.de/site.php?name=Bands

Rock am Ring - of course, in Germany as well: some of the names: Metallica, Guns'n'Roses, Depeche Mode, Placebo, Tool, Korn... and many more
http://www.rock-am-ring.com/main.html

And...there's more ...

Who's joining??

Meeeeeerry Christmas everyone!!!

2005-12-27T02:48:00.000-08:00

You wanna hear a good story? Not one of those that you'd say to kids around the fire though...
Check this out:

THE PSYCHEDELIC SANTA

The psychedelic secrets of Santa Claus by Dana Larsen (18 Dec, 2003)

Modern Christmas traditions are based on ancient mushroom-using shamans.Although most people see Christmas as a Christian holiday, most of the symbols and icons we associate with Christmas celebrations are actually derived from the shamanistic traditions of the tribal peoples of pre-Christian Northern Europe.The sacred mushroom of these people was the red and white amanita muscaria mushroom, also known as "! fly agaric." T
hese mushrooms are now commonly seen in books of fairy tales, and are usually associated with magic and fairies. This is because they contain potent hallucinogenic compounds, and were used by ancient peoples for insight and transcendental experiences.Most of the major elements of the modern Christmas celebration, such as Santa Claus, Christmas trees, magical reindeer and the giving of gifts, are originally based upon the traditions surrounding the harvest and consumption of these most sacred mushrooms.
The world tree
These ancient peoples, including the Lapps of modern-day Finland, and the Koyak tribes of the central Russian steppes, believed in the idea of a World Tree. The World Tree was seen as a kind of cosmic axis, onto which the planes of the universe are fixed. The roots of the World Tree stretch down into the underworld, its trunk is the "middle earth" of everyday existence, and its branches reach upwards into the heavenly realm.The amanita muscaria mushrooms grow only under certain types of trees, mostly firs and evergreens. The mushroom caps are the fruit of the larger mycelium beneath the soil which exists in a symbiotic relationship with the roots of the tree. To ancient people, these mushrooms were literally "the fruit of the tree."The North Star was also considered sacred, since all other stars in the sky revolved around its fixed point. They associated this "Pole Star" with the World Tree and the central axis of the universe. The top of the World Tree touched the North Star, and the spirit of the shaman would climb the metaphorical tree, thereby passing into the realm of the gods. This is the true meaning of the star on top of the modern Christmas tree, and also the reason that the super-shaman Santa makes his home at the North Pole.Ancient peoples were amazed at how these magical mushrooms sprang from the earth without any visible seed. They considered this "virgin birth" to have been the result of the morning dew, which was seen as the semen of the deity. The silver tinsel we drape onto our modern Christmas tree represents this divine fluid.
Reindeer games
The active ingredients of the amanita mushrooms are not metabolized by the body, and so they remain active in the urine. In fact, it is safer to drink the urine of one who has consumed the mushrooms than to eat the mushrooms directly, as many of the toxic compounds are processed and eliminated on the first pass through the body.It was common practice among ancient people to recycle the potent effects of the mushroom by drinking each other's urine. The amanita's ingredients can remain potent even after six passes through the human body. Some scholars argue that this is the origin of the phrase "to get pissed," as this urine-drinking activity preceded alcohol by thousands of years.Reindeer were the sacred animals of these semi-nomadic people, as the reindeer provided food, shelter, clothing and other necessities. Reindeer are also fond of eating the amanita mushrooms; they will seek them out, then prance about while under their influence. Often the urine of tripped-out reindeer would be consumed for its psychedelic effects.This effect goes the other way too, as reindeer also enjoy the urine of a human, especially one who has consumed the mushrooms. In fact, reindeer will seek out human urine to drink, and some tribesmen carry sealskin containers of their own collected piss, which they use to attract stray reindeer back into the herd.The effects of the amanita mushroom usually include sensations of size distortion and flying. The feeling of flying could account for the legends of flying reindeer, and legends of shamanic journeys included ! stories of winged reindeer, transporting their riders up to the highest branches of the World Tree.
Santa Claus, super shamanAlthough the modern image of Santa Claus was created at least in part by the advertising department of Coca-Cola, in truth his appearance, clothing, mannerisms and companions all mark him as the reincarnation of these ancient mushroom-gathering shamans.One of the side effects of eating amanita mushrooms is that the skin and facial features take on a flushed, ruddy glow. This is why Santa is always shown with glowing red cheeks and nose. Even Santa's jolly "Ho, ho, ho!" is the euphoric laugh of one who has indulged in the magic fungus.Santa also dresses like a mushroom gatherer. When it was time to go out and harvest the magical mushrooms, the ancient shamans would dress much like Santa, wearing red and white fur-trimmed coats and long black boots.These peoples lived in dwellings made of birch and reindeer hide, called "yurts." Somewhat similar to a teepee, the yurt's central smokehole is often also used as an entrance. After gathering the mushrooms from under the sacred trees where they appeared, the shamans would fill their sacks and return home. Climbing down the chimney-entrances, they would share out the mushroom's gifts with those within.The amanita mushroom needs to be dried before being consumed; the drying process reduces the mushroom's toxicity while increasing its potency. The shaman would guide the group in stringing the mushrooms and hanging them around the hearth-fire to dry. This tradition is echoed in the modern stringing of popcorn and other items.The psychedelic journeys taken under the influence of the amanita were also symbolized by a stick reaching up through the smokehole in the top of the yurt.
The smokehole was the portal where the spirit of the shaman exited the phy! sical plane.Santa's famous magical journey, where his sleigh takes him around the whole planet in a single night, is developed from the "heavenly chariot," used by the gods from whom Santa and other shamanic figures are descended. The chariot of Odin, Thor and even the Egyptian god Osiris is now known as the Big Dipper, which circles around the North Star in a 24-hour period.In different versions of the ancient story, the chariot was pulled by reindeer or horses. As the animals grow exhausted, their mingled spit and blood falls to the ground, forming the amanita mushrooms.
St Nicholas and Old Nick
Saint Nicholas is a legendary figure who supposedly lived during the fourth Century. His cult spread quickly and Nicholas became the patron saint of many varied groups, including judges, pawnbrokers, criminals, merchants, sailors, bakers, travelers, the poor, and children.Most religious historians agree that St Nicholas did not actually exist as a real person, and was instead a Christianized version of earlier Pagan gods. Nicholas' legends were mainly created out of stories about the Teutonic god called Hold Nickar, known as Poseidon to the Greeks. This powerful sea god was known to gallop through the sky during the winter solstice, granting boons to his worshippers below.When the Catholic Church created the character of St Nicholas, they took his name from "Nickar" and gave him Poseidon's title of "the Sailor." There are thousands of churches named in St Nicholas' honor, most of which were converted from temples to Poseidon and Hold Nickar. (As the ancient pagan deities were demonized by the Christian church, Hold Nickar's name also became associated with Satan, known as "Old Nick!")Local traditions were incorporated into the new Christian holidays to make them more acceptable to the new converts. To these early Christians, Saint Nicholas became a sort of "super-shaman" who was overlaid upon their own shamanic cultural practices. Many images of Saint Nicholas from these early times show him wearing red and white, or standing in front of a red background with white spots, the design of the amanita mushroom.St Nicholas also adopted some of the qualities of the legendary "Grandmother Befana" from Italy, who filled children's stockings with gifts. Her shrine at Bari, Italy, became a shrine to St Nicholas.
Modern world, ancient traditions
Some psychologists have discussed the "cognitive dissonance" which occurs when children are encouraged to believe in the literal existence of Santa Claus, only to have their parents' lie revealed when they are older. By so deceiving our children we rob them of a richer heritage, for the actual origin of these ancient rituals is rooted deep in our history and our collective unconscious. By better understanding the truths within these popular celebrations, we can better understand the modern world, and our place in it.Many people in the modern world have rejected Christmas as being too commercial, claiming that this ritual of giving is actually a celebration of materialism and greed. Yet the true spirit of this winter festival lies not in the exchange of plastic toys, but in celebrating a gift from the earth: the fruiting top of a magical mushroom, and the revelatory experiences it can provide.Instead of perpetuating outdated and confusing holiday myths, it might be more fulfilling to return to the original source of these seasonal celebrations.
How about getting back to basics and enjoying some magical mushrooms with your loved ones this solstice?
What better gift can a family share than a little piece of love and enlightenment?
Art by Jimmy Bursenos: solsticestudios.net

FURTHER LIN! KS AND REFERENCES:
- The Hidden Meanings of Christmas, Mushroms and Mankind, by James Arthur
- Santa Claus & the Amanita Muscaria, by Jimmy Bursenos
- Who put the Fly Agaric into Christmas?, Seventh International Mycological Congress, December 1999, Fungus of the Month
- The Real Story of Santa, The Spore Print, Los Angeles Mycological Society, December 1998- Santa and those Reindeer: The Hallucinogenic Connection, The Physics of Christmas, by Roger Highfield
- Fungi, Fairy Rings and Father Christmas, North West Fungus Group, 1998 Presidential Address, by Dr Sean Edwards
- Fly Agaric, Tom Volk's Fungus of the Month for December 1999- Father Christmas Flies on Toadstools, New Scientist, December 1986
- Psycho-mycological studies of amanita: From ancient sacrament to modern phobia, by Jonathan Ott, Journal of Psychedelic Drugs; 1976
- Santa is a Wildman, LA Times, Jeffrey VallanceBOOKS WORTH READING:- Mu! shrooms and Mankind, by James Arthur
- Soma: Divine Mushroom of Immortality, by Gordon Wasson- Mushrooms, Poisons and Panaceas, by Denis R. Benjamin